Entries 538
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In Your Experience,
Have you EVER been able to turn an aggressive, defensive, personally attacking and projecting person around in conversation? What worked? Is it entirely hopeless? As always, I ask myself, why am ...
Rittenhouse Acquitted
As I scroll, I find that some people are celebrating joyously and some people are wishing death and destruction upon others. Idk. I’d rather hang out with people who are celebrating than angry a...
Jesus, mom.
So mom emailed me and told me about a dream. “Back in April I dreamt that you were pregnant. You were very pregnant in my dream. It was a windy day and you came over and we talked. The dream was...
MIL
is being her normal weird self. She sent several very aloof texts; “hey, how are you?” and “send pics when you can”, and then went full pathetic all of a sudden, “Please come for Thanksgiving din...
I feel Invigorated
Like. Really good. Really really good. It’s so odd to think that the very same thing which gave me so much anxiety and fear is now exhilarating- that which I felt a profound shame, I feel free e...
My Friend
asked me if there was any way to continue to see her sister who believes in corporal punishment when my friend does not. Well, the answer is of course no, if my friend wants to be consistent. B...
I haven't Slept
Well for the past week and a half. W has been waking up 3 to 5 times a night. Mostly clustered 1 to 5am. I. Am. So. Tired. My brain feels foggy. Because of that, I don’t really remember how it ...
I had a Very Scary
Dream last night, but I’ve already dissected it so I’m afraid that I won’t include it in my dream journal, here. Unless I happen upon some free time, which is unlikely. Still have the rest of ch7...
I had another
Breakthrough, today. They seem to be coming fast and furious, now. I feel like a new person after each one. And I’ve remade myself so many countless times that it seems surreal when I read my ow...
Shackles and Bad Coffee
Sums up my first experience of MOPS. I showed up and the oppression of small talk began. No one asked an interesting question. No one wanted to reveal any fact or facet of themselves that might r...
I have Questions
that I would love to ask. I’d love to ask anybody. I think asking the real questions is what allows us to really know one another. But, particularly parents. I have questions that I would love...
Life, in General
is great. But first, the complaints. I have poison ivy and it’s itchy and stingy as fuck. My mind is often confused as to what I want to do, what I am doing, and why any of it is happening. I wo...
Bitcoin & Berries
Did I mention we’re rich now? Haha. It still feels surreal. We have downgraded our status; moved to a cheaper place, less stuff, less overhead, less to do. No AC. Overall, I like it. We go to th...
Childhood
The Anthropology of, is an absolutely fascinating read. A bit difficult in that abhorrent crimes against humanity are reported as dry statistics. But also jaw dropping in scope. I guess it brings...
Evil
Talking with DH yesterday, he divulged to me that his dad had called him Evil. I was, of course, shocked and appalled and reacted rather strongly to this news. According to DH, the exact words w...
You Can't Run Away
from your problems. To anyone who says this, I reply with congeniality, Fuck You. And I mean that sincerely. The very first thing that I consider when someone says this is, how is that working ...
What is So Wrong
with creating meaning and purpose from our children? I have been thinking about this since yesterday, when I revealed to semi-acquaintance at Judo that I wanted more kids. Another Judoka said so...
Marriage
Last week, I saw my therapist and we spoke about what I want, why. I was concerned that what I wanted would be an immoral proposition- at least for my son. But, after 2 long years of therapy and ...
I wanted to
take a nap, but I kept imagining that my son was crying. After checking on him twice (nothing- he’s sound asleep) I imagined falling down the stairs over and over. Sometimes I wonder where these...
Stuck
On a thought, a realization. I remember the moment that I realized that my mom was never going to be capable of seeing me as a person. That moment when she screamed at me that I had no feelings....
Shouldn't I
be angry? After all that… over a year ago we agreed. Over six months ago we implemented. And, DH has been resistant and defensive the whole time. We agreed that he works too much. We agreed that...
Why do I do this
to myself? I must believe, at some level, that I deserve to be subjected to sadistic, controlling, mean, angry, abusive men. My behavior is the evidence. We can choose to do bad things, but we ...
Annoyed
I get annoyed when I make a case, and he continues on as if i never said anything. And i say… look. You can either respond to what i just said or disagree. But don’t pretend that I didn’t say an...
It's not mine
Not my decision. It’s not my decision to make. I had the thought. And then, like I was slipping into a warm bath, my body began to relax. It’s true, I realized. It’s not my decision. I feel fr...
Feeling kind of
Sick. I feel like my life is being narrated by Lloyd deMauss’s historical psychology texts. Virtue is knowledge plus courage Well. Ill tell you what. It sure takes courage to dig up some of this...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
