Entries 534
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My Anger is
gone. It’s gone! I didn’t will it away, or wish it away, or anything like that. I just stood up for myself. I defined my boundaries, and I defended them. Angrily, sure. I defended them with ang...
I have a lot
to say. I have been toying with the idea to start a youtube channel. Well. Mostly to publish on it. I already have one. I publish here about a third of what I write, and that’s only lately. I fe...
On FB Again
And I commented on a “If you did this then you’re a big fat blank” post. And, it went well. It really did. I can’t help but contrast what happened (internally, for me personally) this time vers...
Money Money Money
My dad always told me Follow the Money, and that is one of the few things he said that was actually useful. Copied from a friend; Cycle of Civilization - Where We Are Working dudes pay inter...
Reactionary
I am a-political. I really don’t care who your guy is or isn’t. The country has gone to shit. But, it’s been circling the drain for awhile now. More, I am saddened by the lack of brotherly love ...
My dad
just sent me a text that said “I miss my daughter” First time I’ve heard from him since July.
Still Lost
Still don’t know what to do. I want so badly for someone to tell me what to do. And it’s not lost on me that, at my most vulnerable, those that respond with advice or edicts are just manipulator...
Letter From
his parents. The long and short of it was; You Are Wrong for having any concerns. We love you but you can’t Judge people. So we’re going to not talk about it and Judge you until you agree with u...
A Bit Lost
Yea, I am lost. I don’t really know what to do. I’ve got this idea that we can be great people. We could be awesome. We should be good. But… I don’t know how. DH is depressed. Idk how I never r...
Relationships
I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I complain about my mother a lot. To myself, mostly. Which is… unproductive. All complaining is unproductive. And it stems from a lack of boundaries. A lac...
What's Right?
So I am feeling jaded about continuing on with group therapy. I use that term “group therapy” very loosely, since it’s little more than a book club. It was just nice because it was so laid back a...
I'm Thinking that
I don’t want much of anything to do with the in-laws. In any case, they don’t want much of anything to do with me. So… why should I be the one to have to placate and assuage? I got really mad at...
I feel Good
I feel really good about where I’m going. Not where I’m at. But… where I’m going is pretty great. I had dreams last night about telling the truth. I kept turning on everyone who was trying to blo...
Why do I do it?
So I sent J (my mom) an email basically telling her to stop with all the shit. Yeah, I was angry. Why? Well. I told her like 3 times that I’m not willing to put up with her projections anymore. ...
Late
to the game. Story of my life. I’m a bully. I’m a bitch. I just want to get my way, and am willing to do “whatever works” to get it. Well. That is a slight exaggeration. But mostly true. I fe...
Insanity
So, my mom (J) is insane. I think I kind of already knew that. You know, when you have to survive someone’s parenting, you really get to know them. Probably better than you get to know anyone. ...
Cheesecloth
masks. I was joking with a friend about making a cheesecloth mask the other day- because let’s face it, cloth masks are worse than useless, uncomfortable, increase face touching, collect a lot of...
Own It
I am sort of… grossed out?… disgusted at myself for some of my past behavior. Not the behavior itself, you see. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, blah blah. No, what I’m grossed out abo...
Some Thoughts
Mom, I have thought about our conversation- if it can be called that- from Tuesday. Here are some of my musings, First, I think if you were confused or unsure about my preferences, requests or b...
There is something
about grandparents demanding the time and attention of their grandchildren that strikes me as… vampiric. I told the in-laws that we don’t feel comfortable spending time with the BIL and his BM. ...
Mixed
feelings. I am deeply sad. I have, for the last few months, acted on principle and faith that DH would “do the right thing” and commit himself to our marriage. But.... he hasn’t. I should not ...
Hilarious
DH and I were driving back from his parents’ after we’d dropped off chickens (yes you read right), and had to stop because.... On the way out, we noticed that a fairly sizeable tree had fallen a...
Don't Care
Not sure what changed, because I definitely used to care. Perhaps it is simply that I’m beginning to recognize that it really doesn’t matter whether I care or not. I look at the people around m...
I want
3 kids. Yeah. It’s so weird to say what I want and not have this sens of guilt and shame. Like, I can only ask for things that do not require work, sacrifice, any kind of obligation on anyone el...
Anxiety
I get a low grade anxiety around some people. Not all people. I used to think it was just me. There’s something wrong with me that I become anxious and preoccupied in social situations. I would...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
