Entries 495
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Late
to the game. Story of my life. I’m a bully. I’m a bitch. I just want to get my way, and am willing to do “whatever works” to get it. Well. That is a slight exaggeration. But mostly true. I fe...
Insanity
So, my mom (J) is insane. I think I kind of already knew that. You know, when you have to survive someone’s parenting, you really get to know them. Probably better than you get to know anyone. ...
Cheesecloth
masks. I was joking with a friend about making a cheesecloth mask the other day- because let’s face it, cloth masks are worse than useless, uncomfortable, increase face touching, collect a lot of...
Own It
I am sort of… grossed out?… disgusted at myself for some of my past behavior. Not the behavior itself, you see. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, blah blah. No, what I’m grossed out abo...
Some Thoughts
Mom, I have thought about our conversation- if it can be called that- from Tuesday. Here are some of my musings, First, I think if you were confused or unsure about my preferences, requests or b...
There is something
about grandparents demanding the time and attention of their grandchildren that strikes me as… vampiric. I told the in-laws that we don’t feel comfortable spending time with the BIL and his BM. ...
Mixed
feelings. I am deeply sad. I have, for the last few months, acted on principle and faith that DH would “do the right thing” and commit himself to our marriage. But.... he hasn’t. I should not ...
Hilarious
DH and I were driving back from his parents’ after we’d dropped off chickens (yes you read right), and had to stop because.... On the way out, we noticed that a fairly sizeable tree had fallen a...
Don't Care
Not sure what changed, because I definitely used to care. Perhaps it is simply that I’m beginning to recognize that it really doesn’t matter whether I care or not. I look at the people around m...
I want
3 kids. Yeah. It’s so weird to say what I want and not have this sens of guilt and shame. Like, I can only ask for things that do not require work, sacrifice, any kind of obligation on anyone el...
Anxiety
I get a low grade anxiety around some people. Not all people. I used to think it was just me. There’s something wrong with me that I become anxious and preoccupied in social situations. I would...
Confirmed
I haven’t seen or spoken to my mom at all in the last 2 months- since the beginning of September- but 3 times. All 3 times, she has acted incredibly strange. The first time was at my cousin’s b...
Dolls for Boys
Oh my goodness, my son’s waldorf doll just came in the mail and I am In Love with it! It’s just so cozy feeling- stuffed with wool and made with high quality cotton, by hand-! Yes I did splurge o...
Friends
I finally told my best friend about my troubles with my mom. I’ve known my best friend since, well, since forever. She didn’t seem at all surprised when I told her what I was going through. She ...
Grandma K's Funeral
had a very young looking pastor officiating. I honestly didn’t listen to most of it. Holding a squirmy baby, and the immediate monotonous and droning tone he took on at the very start was off put...
Mother
I am constantly thinking about how my life relates to my relationship with my mom. This has become glaringly obvious to me since I read a journal entry from this time last year; “I entered the ...
DH and I
had a few really deep conversations this weekend. One was about privacy. I don’t really understand how people can separate their children from the concept of people. I think it’s one thing if y...
A lot of things on
my mind today. Yesterday was a family get-together with the In-Law side of the family. Mostly it was a very nice, relaxed, fun, and engaging afternoon. There was but one problem. Every time I fe...
I can't believe it, but
the tantrum worked. I’ve got to thank my therapist.
Is it time?
To move on? Yeah, I think it is. I’m not getting anywhere, and it’s all so boring, now. I have the feeling that I have grown past her. I have reached a point of maturity that she never did. I am...
Unreasonable.
“You have unreasonable expectations and you found your out.” she responded to me when I told her that she recently violated both of my requested boundaries. Nothing about “oh, I didn’t realize t...
Tantrum
I talked with my therapist today and, I told her of my worries and issues with my husband. I told her that I feared that his family is taking advantage of him, that he is being used by them for p...
Resigned
I am resigned, I think, to the fact that my mother is incapable of behaving in any reasonable way around me. I decided to lay down just 2 boundaries with her. She mowed over both of them the ver...
Gone
Aunt died yesterday morning.
Death
Yesterday, DH and I drove down to see his Aunt, who is on her deathbed in hospice. The trip was… unsettling. As I suppose, all close encounters with death are. What I found most disturbing abou...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
