Entries 534
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People Get Angry
when I start asking questions about their relationships. People who get angry at questions about themselves are terrified. They know that they are not worth loving if the definition of love is ...
Of Course
Of Course you were perfect. Of course you were born with the ability to love, and be loved. Of course you are naturally compassionate, kind, empirical and reciprocal. Of course you are not innat...
Life is Funny
DH has been resisting my insistence on doing therapy. He can’t seem to criticize anyone except himself. He doesn’t see the benefit in doing therapy or putting in the work. Trying to feel his feel...
Do you have a BTC Buddy?
Something that was brought up in my group of frankly stone geniuses, was that no matter how dedicated you are to your plan, if you don’t have a buddy, you’re going to be far more swayed by the em...
Have a Plan
and Stick to It It’s funny how human emotion is the largest influence on finances. Not sensible planning or an eye to the long term outcome. Just in the moment panic or greed. BTC went on sale d...
The Beginning of
loneliness. And God, am I ever so lonely. I peered at the pictures of “us” that I had hung around our small cottage like house. I looked for the people in them- first at the sibling pictures. T...
Relief
BTC is up and we made a shit ton of money. Ofc we aren’t going to touch it for at least 5 years. Should shoot up even more, as the dollar collapses. I just hope the economy will be viable in the ...
Poison
Fucking poison I’m surrounded by people who want nothing good for me. Well. I have 1 friend. One. And she’s busy with a newborn. Fucking HATE people who want to give marital advice with no self...
What am I
doing? What do I care about? Niceties? Politeness? Being civil? Making sure I don’t hurt anyone feelings? All the while I get pummeled and castigated, ignored, spurned, taken for granted? No....
I may Actually have
underestimated how upset I made my aunt by pointing out the fact that she’s old. I think that I really hit a nerve when I told her that, while her opinions of me were valid, I didn’t see any part...
MIL
Yeah, yeah. MIL’s are always bitchy. Mine is… not really bitchy. At least, not in any way that you could tell off the bat. She’s pretty mild, passionless, passive. Long story. I have had a beef...
Pride
What can I have pride in? I find myself feeling rather proud when I formulate a rational opinion with evidence and reasoning. And, even more so when soundly rebutting criticism. Okay; I can make...
Bitcoin
is up again. I’ve been buying DCA and it has helped to assuage my anxiety about buying. But now it’s up quite a bit and idk what to do. Still have quite a bit more to drop. Probably should just ...
I bought pens...
And why is this important, I hear you ask? Well. I love to write. Like. Absolutely love it. Pen on paper, the smooth silky line of ink left cleanly on a white paper. Unlined paper, of course, bu...
Lately I've been
deleting every facebook post I’ve ever made. I tried doing a purge, but FB is completely retarded and won’t allow me to do that. So. I’m deleting every. single. post. individually. for the past 1...
Mixed Feelings and Irrationality
Yesterday, after Creep-O 5k sent me that message, I had responded & blocked, I had a pretty weird day. In the mail, was a plain white envelope addressed to me in blue ink, return address a c...
Creep-O 5k, and Worthlessness
I’m pretty sure that I wrote about my therapy partner before. He was some dude on the server. I wanted a female partner, and posed a request reflecting as much. He insisted on being my partner. A...
Aunt, again
she sent me a few quotes to reflect on recently, and then a longer email about her views on my problems. lol I responded honestly, of course. In my response, I had a quip, which I should have kn...
Hey,
A Survey General What kind of house do you live in (condo, single family, apartment, craftsman, ranch, etc.)? Pretty sure it’s called a cottage. It’s cute. What kind of siding does it have? Ceda...
Self Knowledge is Hard
I surround myself with ineffective, harmless people. I realized that about my long time best friend of 15+ years, the other weak. And I’m realizing this about my husband, too. BUT. I am changing...
Dismayed
Judo has been out for a long while. Since Covid hit. My local club was so much fun. I mean… to me it was one of the only things that really consistently gave me joy. And company. Yesterday, I fe...
Tired and Bitter
I don’t want to be that way. I think that I am finding how to get out of that trap. That tired and bitter mindset which looks at the world with loathing and a “poor me” attitude. It’s an attitudi...
I'm Old...
I find myself thinking back to who I was 10 or even 5 years ago, and wishing if only I knew then what I know now… where would I be? I wonder. Certainly, not here. All that to say- I bitterly wis...
Blown Away
I’ve exchanged email with my Aunt over the last several days. I find myself more and more shocked and appalled. I don’t know why, but I thought that she was different. Just another thing that I ...
My Aunt called
me yesterday. I want to say “out of the blue”, but we had emailed about having a phone conversation last week. It just didn’t work out. So he called me yesterday evening/afternoon. I felt surpri...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
