Tapping the Stress Out Here in These Foolish Things

Been trying to write an entry for days now. Stressed with all the stuff that needs to get done at work has been keeping me up at night and keeping my thoughts jumbled. Gonna try to tap this out before I get too deep in the woods today because I just feel like I need to update. Bear with me!

Celebrated my dad’s 81st birthday over the weekend last weekend. It was nice. We went to this kind of silly speakeasy that’s “secretly” opened in their area. It’s a fancy steakhouse that’s opened in the back of a very casual lakeside bar, and they are super proud of their food as it is priced as if we were in New York City or something. I’m not complaining - they put on a show when they let you in…you gotta go to a back door and knock three times and give them a secret password and all that jazz. Then you have to enter through the back of a bookcase - all cute.

Food was “meh” as I didn’t really want steak but I didn’t want anything else on their menu, so I ordered beef tournedos and only ate one piece so I figured it was about 3 oz of meat. It was fine and good and I think my parents enjoyed the heck out of their dinner and the big “event”. That’s what it’s all about anyway.

Dad seems to be doing much better. He still has the double vision, but has seen a specialized eye doctor who says he can fix it via a small (?) surgery so we’ll see. He says he doesn’t have as much of the fatigue anymore, but I don’t know if he’s being honest or not. I will say that he’s up and about a lot and getting things done, so I’m going to let it be and stop worrying for a while.

My bro is as weird as ever. He didn’t attend the dinner as he was having a gall bladder attack (he’s had issues with his gall bladder for years and years) and was being a dick anyway. I feel so bad for my sister-in-law. I don’t know how she puts up with him. I totally get why she struggles with depression: being on the other side of the world from her family, having a wanker of a husband, and trying to keep their small family together. My parents and I wonder how long she will keep it up. We keep thinking she just might get her stuff together and leave him. That’s terrible to say, I know. In fact, she may just love the hell out of him. And if that’s the case, I love it. I should keep my opinions to myself, but it helps to write it down, so there it is.

Speaking of keeping my opinions to myself, I was in a foul mood yesterday and very short with just about everyone I came across. I finally decided to sort of hole up in my area and stay away from the world. Fine and good until my boss calls on the phone. Phone calls are such a rare occurrence nowadays, right? I mean, not a scheduled conference call, but just pick-up-the-phone and chat phone calls, you know?

So Boss calls at the very end of the day and I’m frantically trying to get stuff out the door before 5ish and he wants to know status of everything and I’m just ANNOYED. I don’t know if I came across flustered or not, but my guess is I did. Need to teach myself little tricks to stay cool. You’d think the beta blockers would help with this and honestly, I think they do. I’d probably be MUCH worse if it weren’t for them…yet still the weight gain! Ugh.

And ahhh, I’m not the only one stressed to the brink. Goldilocks is running around like crazy this morning too. And she’s about to RESIGN! She’s being heavily recruited by a former coworker of hers who has verbally offered her another job - she’s just waiting for the written offer. We are all stressed.

Anyway. I think just stopping to write a few lines helps me tremendously. It helps to get focused and my brain in the right frame. All is ok…life is going to go on regardless and I can only do so much and then I will have to let it go.

Ok. I wish I had more fun stuff to report.

Well, I have no dates on the horizon. I mean, the thing I’m looking forward to the most is the tiny vacation I have planned at the end of NEXT month! I suppose it’s nice to have something to look forward to, you know? It’s nice to dream. Need to start thinking of the one after that.

And speaking of dates, the Hotel Designer had a birthday last week. I sent him a happy birthday text, to which he responded with a thank you…however, nothing since then, so I’m assuming he’s gone. There were a couple of other bites from interesting candidates at the end of the year who’ve dropped off the face of the earth - one ghosted even after he asked me to meet and gave me a time and I confirmed, so…bluh. I’m once again back to square one.

It’s sad that nobody wants to put the time and effort into it. It’s true that you get out of it what you put into it. And I know I’m an example of this - I often don’t even give a second look to guys who live outside of my bubble (~20 miles or so) and earlier this week I matched with a guy on Bumble or Hinge who lives maybe 15 miles away and he told me that I live too far away! So clearly it goes both ways…and most of us are becoming lazy daters. Sigh.

Just coming to terms that I’ve now been truly single for 6+ years. That is, not being in a relationship. Ugh. This is a dry spell of epic proportions.

But I’m still full of optimistic hope! I still believe that there’s someone out there for me - but that it probably won’t look like what I expect. And that I have to be open to recognizing it.

I’m ready. I’m sooooo ready. I don’t think it’s going to fall into my lap, but I am ready for it to maybe slam into me awkwardly???

Until later,
GS

Last updated January 14, 2020