Feeling Lonely in Bittersweet

Im feeling lonely and kinda meh lately… I shouldnt be, but something its just… i dont know. Nagging.
First off im having dreams EVERY night about fires. Things on fire, places on fire. Its like. Come on… Im sure its because of the Australian fires and how upsetting it is. But still. Headaches every day, either its hormonal or stress. Take your pick.
Then that whole not feeling like I have a home. I mean at least when we had the cabin, it was our house. Even shared with the mother in law. Now i just feel homeless and lost. And lets face it. I am homeless. We are 1 step above couch surfing. As in we have beds here.
What do I own now? My bed. Some clothes, A futon i bought for the teenager. Measuring cups haha. Seriously. I didnt bring much at all with me… Craft supplies, clothes, and a few belongings. When i go through the totes. Its not very much… We left everything behind. From my kids beds, to our couch. Oh we have our Tv. Hubby actually hung it on the wall, For some reason my parents said sure and took their tv out? I dont know why. But i feel like geeze T you are trying to take over or something.
But really, we dont have a room. The kids are sharing the downstairs living room. We have two bunkbeds plus an extra. Teen B sleeps in the living room. Little A sleeps in my room. The front room was the office storage crap. And we hung a few curtains up and thats where our bed is. A has a cot next to me. Oh we have 4 sets of plastic dresser things. Thats it.
I think i just feel like we are lost. So very lost. Dont get me wrong, i think the move is the right choice. I just think its really hard. A lot of moves are hard, But a move when you dont have a home to go to is extremely hard.

Some things make my heart hurt. Like trying to figure out how to fit all 9 of us in a car ( the kids hubby and nephews make 9) And i cant leave them behind when i know their parents wont do anything. Today we took two cars so they could go and the doggos.

Yesterday I drove up to another city to see another angora person. I helped him groom a bit and cwe tried breeding our buns but the girls just were not interested. So we will have to try again. I came home with an angora of his. He had two girls together and one started chewing the others coat. So i took her home. Im getting another one of his sometime this week. He was given as a pet. But the lady is allergic, so i said i would take him. They are half siblings. I officially have one more bun then i do cages with him lol. Someone is going to chill in the transport cage for a while. Then i feel terrible that i have these rabbits and they take up a chunk of the yard. I have to build an enclosure and they take up part of the yard. Its stressful. I wish i had my own house. Even if i have to buy everything, From seating, to beds to pots pans and plates.. EVERYTHING must be replaced. If you wonder why i brought craft stuff and not pots and pans ect. Weight. We were tied on weight limits in the trailer. And figured we could replace pots and pans and whatnot easier then carting them down… But again, thats a few more hundred dollars in expenses. Even if i do it cheap. Its going to add up. We need 2 couches to seat everyone. We need 5 beds for the kids. Or B can keep the futon but i think he would rather a bed. A cant keep using a cot haha. A desk or two. End tables of some kind to put stuff on, a kitchen table and chairs. I mean it just goes on and on and on.....

Top it off, im really struggling with a food issue here. We spent a lot of money buying a cow. And we are broke as a joke. We cant afford anything. Literally have 50 bucks till T gets paid for last months work. Which is going to be less then what we want because he had to borrow 2K for bills ( two different billing periods and car payments) So we have to pay that back. He was supposed to start work last week but due to a hitch in the background check ( they did the wrong one....) He is supposed to hopefully start later this week. But my parents just spent a couple hundred on food. My sister got her food stamps, and bought snacks for herself. She bought freezie pops for the kids. FREEZE POPS! What the heck. Thats IT. She even was told to shop off the shopping list… and she didnt get a damn thing. Of course not. She spent 600 dollars on food for her husband and herself. I just have to bite my tongue. I cant go shopping right now. Once T gets paid, we pay the bills due on the 15th, and then we go food shopping and ILL finish the list. My parents got some. But not enough. 5 loaves of bread last us 5 days.... 5 dozen eggs last us 1-2 weeks. And i feel like a bitch for not wanting to make steaks because my sister will eat it too.... And i spent 1500 on beef and she bought freeze pops.... And its not that she wasnt TOLD what to get. I made a damn list and left it in the kitchen and the fatherthing showed her and said to get some of this stuff. She just didnt!

I have a feeling we are going to eat a lot of white rice :P Im currently trying to think of things i can make with my craft supplies to sell to just get some income. And once T starts working im going to slowly start picking up things for our new eventual house....

Anyone ever stay with family long term… Do you ever feel like you are home there?? I just feel like im intruding all the time…

( Positive, rabbit poo is great for my moms rose garden!)