Hey. Happy New Year! I just went out to put gas in my truck. It’s so cold out that I decided to go for a little drive to let the heat run for a bit. I found myself at the gas station up the street from our old apartment. I was so depressed today. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or do anything. I haven’t been in that area in a while. I was definitely in my feels…so I drove by our old place.
When I got there, I noticed the light in our old room was on. I thought to myself, “I wonder if those people in there right now realize the magic that happened in that room”. We had a lot of good times in that place. I know it can be a reminder of some bad times but for whatever reason I only think about the good. My therapist calls it ‘The Photo Book Effect’. When you look in a photo album…what do you see? People beating each other with frying pans? No! You see the good times. The memories you want to remember. The longer I’m away from you, the greater the memories seem to get....and the more and more I miss them. I pray that you remember me for the good, even though the bad sucked hardcore.
I parked across from where we used to park, looking towards the building. That door........we used to go through there together. Holding hands…holding groceries…holding Nala and Bella from the vet. God, I feel so pathetic. I shouldn’t feel this way…I shouldn’t be doing this. But maybe I need it to move on. I played a few of our songs over the radio. I thought about how good it was to have those beautiful memories with you in that place....and how sorry I am for the bad times we had. I ended up having to leave because “my heart is hurted”.
I’m glad I got to spend my New Years missing you. The way I look at it…it’s better than feeling nothing for you. Question....do you ever go there too? Have you dreamed of what could have been while sitting there without me? Am I alone here? Am I the only one with an empty space in my heart? You know what would be great? If I went there one day and ran into you, reminiscing about us. It’d be like it was meant to be. But those perfect circumstances only exists in movies.
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