Shit in Done drinking.

So I have been struggling lately as of Monday last week my oldest brother was in congestive heart failure I personally was hoping he would fucking die he ruined my childhood and I still hate him and I don’t want him to live. It’s been a week he’s been taken off the ventilator and I guess he’s doing better unfortunately.

I have found a new way to hurt myself along with the drinking I now slam my wrist against the wall because the bruise and to make whole area and back of my wrist hurt. it’s definitely not as noticeable as all the cuts. I can tell people that I got a bruise putting hay out for the horses. I have also been having a hard time with staying in Maine this winter I had planned on traveling for five weeks and was thinking about going down to Texas but I ended up changing my plans and I will be taking my dog and myself to our family camp which is only 5 miles away from The house. This way I can continue to take care of the horses every 5 to 6 days check their water and just be alone. I need to be alone and away from people and just be with my dog and be happy for a while. Hell I might even try to sober up we’ll see what happens there.