Hey. Can I tell you something without it being weird?.......I Love you…still. A whole lot. I know its wrong. But I can’t control it. You were my best friend babe. I still can’t believe I haven’t heard from you yet. It still doesn’t seem real. I feel like you should be here for me.
I think I started this journal too late. I’m finding it hard to think of memories. While I’m at work, lost in running my machine, I think of you. I remember certain things randomly…and I smile like an idiot, regardless of who’s watching. But just as fast as it comes…it goes.
One thing I CAN remember is the day you were standing by the TV. I think you were playing around with the wires for some reason. I can remember this because I was staring at you. I was just taking in your beauty. I could not believe I was so lucky to have this amazing human in my life. I thought about everything that happened up until that point. “We made it”! I screamed in my head. I thought about how I never wanted you to leave my side. You and me forever babe.
You caught me staring. “What”? You asked with a smile and chuckle............................”I’m gonna miss you”. I whispered. You always knew exactly what to say and do. That smile never went away as you came over to me. As I was sitting on the couch, you place your legs on either side me and while arms stretched around my neck, you sat on my lap. Looking me deep in the eyes, you place a finger over my lips. “Shhhh…I’m here now”. A soft kiss to remind me that you haven’t left yet.
I should’ve stared longer. Because you’re almost gone. And I don’t want you to be. I need to remember. What am I supposed to do without you? On the outside, I look like I’m pulling myself together. But inside, I am falling apart. You were the light in my life…even after you left. But now…its getting dark.
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