Immediate Thoughts in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

In my (vast!) experience, FWB never really works. Relationships are better on so many levels, you need to be relaxed and in sync to have amazing sex and when you need a shoulder to cry on after work, you'd not call your FWB because if they were that good a friend, why would you not be committed to them?

There's nothing wrong with how you're feeling, FWBs are like kebabs, they fill a hole (no pun intended) and they can even be quite nice, but given a choice mum's Sunday roast is going to win every time.

Don't panic though, Husband and I were both in your shoes and only a year and 2 years older. We dated and fucked around, we got our hearts broke and when the time was right we met the long term partners that were right for us (in the same week!) You will too but you need to just chill and play for a bit. Xxx

That sounds really difficult. The first stop of the loneliness express as part of your seperation. I can't say it gets better, but it is necessary. Hugs.

I was absolutely crushed when I left my husband. Because I failed. Because I broke my word. Because I was alone in the world again. Because of more reasons than I can ever recall. And then I was alone. For a long time. I dated and had sex. I picked men who were not what I needed. I had a serious relationship that ended very poorly. I was alone for years afterwards, but I learned a lot being alone. One of those things is that a lot of people were envious of my alone time and freedom. I got to do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. I hung out with a lot of married people because of my age. I was the third wheel. Or fifth wheel. I went to game nights as the only uncoupled person. And I just couldn't be bothered to care, because why? No one liked me any less. And if they judged me, I didn't care, because I had a great time anyway. Did I look for a partner most of that time? Yes. For sure. And finally, I found one. A good one. We've been together for over 2.5 years. And we haven't moved in together. We don't plan on moving in together. And that's because I value my freedom and independence so much that I don't want to give it up. Not even for my boyfriend whom I can absolutely see spending the rest of my life with. And we do double dates and couple shit. We work parties and entertain everyone at dinners. We roll up in expensive cars, looking like we just fell out of some hip, alternative magazine. We both have Kick-Ass jobs. And adventures. And stories. We tell stories and make people laugh their asses off. We pass by each other when we're out, and we share a quick kiss or he'll squeeze my butt. If we're seated, he'll run his hand down my thigh and dart his fingers between my legs just as a nod of acknowledgement. And then we go home, and I have to change my bandages for the skin cancer I got cut off and he keeps bugging me to let him draw a penis on my fresh bandage. And he has to put tea tree oil on his fire ant bites and I tease him about being soft since he didn't grow up here. We banter and tease and touch and kiss. I love how we function. But it took him 18 years in a shitty ass marriage and finding me to have this. And it took me a shitty childhood. Shitty marriage. And many years of learning about myself and my likes and dislikes and how to be my best version of me before I could have THIS relationship. And of course, it took finding the right partner, too. That was key.

Do you really think your friends look at you as the guy with money? Your house is very modest with older furnishings, and you drive an entry level car. Plus, you're a public attorney. literally nothing about that screams "this guy has money". I suspect they do not view you that way unless they have very little life experience. Even when I was in my mid-20's though, I could walk into someone's house that they had purchased or were renting and make assumptions about their income based on furnishings, car, house decor, house location, and house quality. I just think that's an interesting way that you view yourself...and perceive that other people view you.

Forward movement is forward movement, even with the shitty thoughts. Don't overthink it (I know, difficult!!) and go with the flow. You're moving forward to a more positive mindspace which will help you to see the GOOD possibilities.

For FWB to work you def need rules like Victoria is setting up, but it's still not great long term esp when you are someone who likes to commit. This coming from someone who married her long time FWB...

You seem like a relationship guy. Not a FWB guy. Obviously, I don't know you except from what you've written here but I found FWB situations difficult, confusing and stressful...only because I'm a monogamous at heart and FWB didn't feel secure to me.

like the others, I too would say no to doing a FWB. It sounds good in theory but always feels empty. To be honest I’d rather have a one night stand than a FWB. I think it’s a little easier to process.

I think once you’re separated and once the divorce itself is over, life will not be so intense. You’ll be able to fall into your new life and take a deep breath.

Hey! If you're available every other Sunday, my Husband runs a Pathfinder group in our home, there are usually four other men here too that play as well. Depending on what all goes on in my Husband's schedule, it doesn't always happen every other Sunday. We're friendly, drug and drama free (aside from the cats, they are addicted to catnip and drama). Let me know!

My current group of friends are about 10 years young than me and they are great. My instinct is that I wouldn’t have any thing in common but I do. Maybe I’m. It as emotionally mature as I think.