Front Way Back Way in Current Events

Every time that I think I am over it something happens and all of my scars open. The indignities and injustices that we all suffered when I reported that predator from my last place of employment. Yesterday, I was thinking about how I was going to answer that question about why I was let go from my previous job. Officially they said that I was abusive to staff because I raised my voice at Karamjeet during an argument about her ethics. She was trying to get me to help her steal food, time and money. Unofficially the company decided to protect the predator that I reported and to silence everybody who had something to say about him because they all wanted to protect their privilege. Mostly, they wanted to protect their marriages. Today, Hetal called me to update me on her new life in Ontario and all of this came up again. This is the exact thought that I need to pinch off to stop myself from feeling depressed. I’ll have to work hard today to not think about it. I’m trying to get up the nerve to call Vita today about my status of application and I don’t want any negative energies when I do it. I’m trying to manifest something good here.

Bev invited me over last night to watch some of our show to help me get my mind off things. I texted her about if I should be in panic mode that Vita didn’t call me the day after I applied. She told me to wait one more day. I told her that my mind loves to emotionally prepare me for the worst-case scenario so that means that I already feel rejected. My victim fantasy is telling me that it is because I’m ethnic but I refuse to agree to believe that anymore. I’m overqualified for the position that I applied for so I can’t see a reason as to why they would reject my resume. The manager probably wasn’t even working yesterday for all I know. I need to breathe here and emotionally prepare myself for the best-case scenario instead. I’m calling the manager in an hour to be that bitch who corners them into looking at a resume. I hated it when people did that to me so much. I was always in the middle of something when the phone rang and then I would have a million applications and resumes to sift through to find that needle in a haystack. I have it my mind that she is going to say we’re not hiring right now which will be a blatant lie so that she can get out of that phone call as quickly as possible. Worse even I am bracing myself to hear we’ve decided to go in a different direction and then I’ll have to put up a fight. Is there some experience or skills that you are looking for that are not on my resume? Then I have to try and corner her into giving me an interview which could make her bitter. Yup, here I go again thinking too big. I should only be thinking about the next step so that I don’t overwhelm myself here. I’m just feeling so negative because I don’t want to talk about why I lost my previous job. I’ll just say that they were doing some restructuring. What if she asks why I don’t have any references from them? We don’t owe you anything they told me as they gave me a severance out of the goodness of their hearts. I’m feeling so angry right now. K, I’m going to go for a walk, then meditate and then clean myself up and make that dang call.