I feel like my days, morning to night, are constantly spent thinking I can't do this anymore. I have a business trip on Saturday or I'd probably be addressing this now. Or soon. Now seems scary. I found this today: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/01/divorce-kids-n4862357.html?utmhpref=divorce&ir=Divorce
It was a really good article and really one reason I'm ready. I do not want what we have to be what my kids think of as a normal marriage. It's not abusive, we don't argue. But there's absolutely no affection. We aren't happy. A few years ago he made me laugh a lot and that's gone now. As they get older, 7 and 9, they need good examples of a healthy relationship. Reading this article today made me feel more secure that this is the right thing.
Last night, G let the cat in (despite my saying over and over again please keep her out because she wakes me) which woke me up as he got to bed at midnight or so. I didn't get back to sleep until about 3am. Because he snored. And I could think was...get out. Just get out get out get out. I am flat out exhausted today. I'm so beyond frustrated with him. I'm very clearly back to almost how it was before counseling; he remains in his stupid bubble! Talking, laughing like nothing's up. Yesterday he failed to make the kids' lunches - we alternate weeks, since counseling, and this is his week. I write on the lunch menu who is bringing/buying. Both were bringing. No lunches....and he left at 7am, not 7:30am so I didn't even see him. At 7:25 I'm realizing lunches aren't made and scrambling.
He arrives home 20-30 mins late every day now never with an apology. Maybe I just expect too much? I just feel like if I was later than normal and dinner is planned around when I normally get home....I'd come in with a "Hi! Sorry I'm late!" No? Honestly, maybe I'm too picky or I expect things that I'd do that aren't realistic. I just don't know. But every day he's a disappointment.
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