A working mom’s guide to maintaining a “perfect” house:
1) Let the toddler sleep until five minutes before you have to leave the house. Allow toddler to choose her own clothes. Everyone will cry. Tiny clothes will be strewn everywhere. The cat will hide for at least 24 hours.
2) Get your child involved in cleaning up. Let her put her own toys away. She made the mess, right? At least one toy will go in a toy bin. Mom may, at some point, threaten to throw all of the toys away. Everyone will cry.
3) When cleaning the bathtub, make sure to rinse thoroughly to keep any nasty chemicals from coming into contact with child’s skin. That evening, let child’s father handle bath time. Next morning, mom will slip on the conditioner daddy allowed the child to use as paint in the bathtub. Repeat for several days until mom suffers a strain or sprain of something major. Shower curtain rod will almost certainly need replacing.
4) After allowing the enraged toddler to brush her own teeth, use the water and toothpaste splattered all over the bathroom as a multipurpose cleaner. Also, the cat has never been cleaner. Repeat twice a day.
5) While washing dishes, make sure to include your husband and your child. It’s a family event. It’s also important that dishwater cover every square inch of countertop. And floor.
6) Including your children in pet care is so very important. Allow your child to put out the pet food. Sweep or vacuum up the stray pieces from under the refrigerator. And the stove. And probably the bed. Repeat two to seven times a day, depending on how many times you hear “mama, the kitty’s hungry.” Comfort the cat ,who is now skulking behind the refrigerator or latched onto the ceiling.
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