update: 1 in update: 1

Today I probably experienced the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Sounds dramatic, and it probably is. Maybe it’s just one of those days? those days where you feel like you can’t breath. Where being around people doesn’t seem to make a difference. Where telling someone you’re ok when you’re not is just too much to bare. Those days. It’s like you want to scream for help… but can’t. It feels like everyone is against you. Who knows though? maybe they’re. It hurts a lot today. Writing this hurts. Reading this again is going to hurt. Posting it is going to hurt. I want to get better. So going through pain sounds like the least sacrifice in the road to recovery. I admit my doubts though. Maybe this is just to cliche. Maybe I haven’t opened up in a while, in such a long while, that Im scared of what the future holds. Will this even help me? I want to scream, shout, cry, beg for something. Something to make me feel better. Not psychically better though. It’s kinda insane. You can be psychically ok. Heart beating, lungs breathing, but feel nothing. Nothing. Inside. I don’t want to stop writing. I’m scared. I want to keep going forever. Never having to stop. Never having to focus my attention on this feeling sounds like a blessing. Should I be cliche and tell about my past? maybe.. but if I give it all away what will I have left. Not that the past is much to hold onto though. I recently went to new york. I loved it. The pace, the people, the buildings. It’s a place where you can never fall into depression. Your mind just keeps going. go, go, go. stop. go. walk. cross. run. stop, breath. run. I felt like I left all my problems home, like I didn’t have to worry about anything. Just keep going.