Brain zero in Diary

Today hasn’t been a good day so far for me, mentally speaking. That’s not something I can control, unfortunately. Not that that means there is nothing I can do to help the situation. Writing, for one, almost always helps me feel more mentally sound. Like I get all the cobwebs out by just freewriting for half an hour or so.

Right after I laid down to go to bed at 11pm last night, someone pounded on my front door once, really hard. This was within a couple minutes of when I turned all the lights off in my room. The sound was so loud that I didn’t even register what it was until a minute or two later. I just laid there to see if they would “knock” again, or try to hear anything else from outside, but nothing. So I ended up just going to sleep. But I think that incident is contributing to how I’m feeling today. My suspicion is that it was one of the neighbors from across the street. One day not all that long ago, within the past month anyway, I yelled at their dog and told it to go away.

That’s the only interaction I’ve had with anyone in the neighborhood except for an old friend from the Ward (my local Mormon church) one time who didn’t seem to even recognize me when I ran into her on a walk with one of my birds in the backpack cage. One of the neighbors was home and called the dog to her (the woman of the house, if you will) but I didn’t even make eye contact with her let alone say anything. I was kind of embarrassed by my overreaction and I was just out checking the mailbox, so I just walked back to the house and went inside. The only reason I suspect it was one of them from across the street is because I literally have not spoken to anyone else except that one church lady and my dad since I moved here. I always just mind my own business, and I never pry into anyone else’s. Anyway. That’s all I’m going to say on the subject.

“What do you want?” One of my birds (Grey) just said from the other room. He’s a character.

In a few minutes I’m going to cook up some “Spaghetti Rings” that my dad bought me from Wal Mart the other day, for lunch. I have some black beans and rice sitting in the rice cooker keeping warm that I’ll eat either for second lunch or first dinner. Not to imply that I’m a hobbit who eats ten meals a day or anything. At the bottom of my rice and beans bowl I usually put a handful of fiery nacho Doritos, and I dollop a little bit of salsa on top of everything. It’s a pretty good meal.

I still haven’t been able to get the help I need, but my dad is helping me to apply for Medicaid, which is governmentally supplied health insurance here in the US of A. If I am approved for that, I will be able to go to doctor’s to get evaluated and get my medication adjusted, and to make appointments with psycho therapists ( ;) ). The meds I’m on at the moment are helping me to some degree in controlling some of my anxiety, but the side effects are bothersome. My sleep is disturbed most nights, I get restless legs, and my heart rate increases (not to an alarming degree by any stretch, but it’s noticeable). So anyway, that’s where I’m at.

This entry is so boring and depressing, and I am not a fan, but I think I will end it here anyway and try to distract myself with something else, like eating healthy spaghetti rings. Ta ta for now.