Why do I even care? in It's Art, You Wouldn't Understand

FUCK! I don’t know why I even waste my time on IG anymore. I told myself that I would purge a lot of my followers, curb the content I was digesting a bit to make my life easier but it isn’t going as plan. My nosey ass can’t even stop looking up old problems from the past. I checked Ebony’s page after months and found out that she is moving out of the country. She has really found a hobby she enjoys, is in great shape and her career seems to be taking off in the direction she wants it to go. And damn it all, if I’m not a little jealous. I remember when she was in school, and I was beat bopping around, working like a fucking slave. Our lives are completely different now and maybe I wouldn’t feel so angry about it if I wasn’t such a fucking asshole. But she’s an asshole too. A fucking user and there is something sinister about her that I can’t just can’t my finger on.

“She seems like the type to sleep with your man behind your back.”

No truer words have been spoken.

But what the hell do I know? I’m incapable of keeping friends. Everyone around me is fucking fake and plastic. I’m happy I cut ties with her. I wonder if she’s still blowing off people like the good old days. I wonder if she can maintain friendships/relationships any better than I can.

And now I sound like a fucking toddler, bitching and moaning about someone who I don’t even like or interact with anymore, is doing on the gram. What am I? 13 years old?!

I hope it works out for her. I really do. But I’m pissed that Hazel is even following her and liking her stuff. They have nothing in common, why is he going out of his way? A part of me wants to ask him to knock it off, but then its really none of my business. I’m not sure why I feel some type of way about it. I want to talk to Chu about it, because he’s all I have. Its a little embarrassing to admit....embarrassing and fucking pitiful. I know he’s going to tell me I’m crazy, and to let go of the past. None of this effects me and yet, I’m here ranting online about it at 5am in the morning!

I feel a little betrayed is all. After I broke up with Hazel they should have stopped being friends and following one another. He’s been liking a few of her pictures and it seems its really ramped up since we starting talking again. What the hell does that mean?!

I just want to move. Get out of this stupid city and travel. I’m sick of being broke all the time, and in debt and chained to this stupid place. We might get stationed somewhere even worse but I feel like there is so much bad blood here.

I really need to get my life in order.