Looking back on my life, it seems I go through periods of restlessness quite frequently. Just like the dishwasher or washing machine, my life goes through cycles and it appears I'm back to the 'restless cycle.' When will it end? It has been going on for months now. I'm hoping the arrival of spring will bump me to the next cycle of my life... New season= new cycle? Maybe?? I sure hope so... it's exhausting. I feel like I'm stuck in this little cell, pacing back and forth, waiting for someone to release me so I can go on with my life and onto something better. Sigh...
God seems awfully quiet, too. I'm calling out to him, asking Him to get me out of this 'cell' and yet the door remains shut. Perhaps that's my answer... just sit tight and wait? I don't know how much longer I can wait. It's hard to understand my purpose right now... I just don't feel very productive or useful. It just feels like... like I'm looking out my cell window, wanting to get out there but not having the means.
I want to be happy with my life, I do. I'm just tired of going around in circles... Feeling successful and happy then back to my cell of uselessness. And on and on it goes... It's just not fair. How can I ever reach my dreams this way?
Maybe that's my problem... they're MY dreams. Not God's dreams for me. I know I have to stop trying to control my life and let him take the wheel and just trust Him. But it's oh-so-hard!! What is the point of my life right now? I just don't see it. The window is so foggy... I'll just keep pacing and waiting then. But hurry up, God, and get me out of here, will ya please?
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