Amanda in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

She told me not to write about her anymore, but I can write about whatever I want…that’s kind of the point of having this thing. Buuuuuuuut because I’m a petty bitch sometimes, I decided to make her name the title of the entry.

I guess Amanda had been reading me on here, even though she told me she deleted her diary…which, shouldn’t surprise me, because everything she says to me is a lie. I have no idea why I believed her about that one.

I wrote something about how her boyfriend is cheating on her, and she read it, and now her and her boyfriend are blowing up my other friend, Corie…which I feel bad about, but Corie really should just block both of those stupid cunts.

Trapper (Amanda’s boyfriend…his name is fucking Trapper, hahahaha…what kind of hill-billy, Bud light drinking, cousin-fucking name is that?) used to date Corie so he called her up recently and asked her if she’d cover for him if Amanda asked and say that these panties and bobby pins and perfume in his room were hers from back when they hooked up or something.

They’re not Corie’s…

Anyway, Amanda just left me some note on here telling me not to write about her anymore, and telling me how in love she is and how these have been the best weeks of her life and Trapper would never cheat on her because he gets all the sex he needs, hahaha.

Okay.

I really don’t care, I guess. I was feeling bad for her and like “I’m not mad at her, blah blah blah” but this all made me remember that she can go fuck herself.

The truth of the matter is that she’s a cheater too so they are perfect for eachother.
I hope he gets her pregnant.

…

Anyway, let us talk about something nice to finish this off, yeah?
Yeah.

So, last night I went and hung out at Lex’s place. We watched a couple of super wholesome movies, this movie called “Tag” and then also “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”…I think that’s the name of the second one. It was the Mr. Rogers documentary…that man was a living fucking angel. Seriously, he was such an amazing person. So inspirational. So ahead of his time.

So, it really sucks because I’m sitting here pulling a Golnar and I’m just having myself a little crush on Lex and I don’t want to be having a crush on her but I can’t help it.

Every time I see her she tells me how good I look and how hot I am at least a few times, and last night was no exception…but then she says that she just says that stuff to lift me up because she knows that I haven’t heard stuff like that a lot in my life…and last night after she told me that she like slapped/grabbed my ass…

I dunno…it’s confusing because it’s like okay…she just wants to be friends for sure…she’s just being nice and I’m really not used to people being nice to me so I’m just misreading things.

Last night she asked me to move to LA with her. She’s going to sell her mansion and get millions of dollars and she has a financial guy that’s going to help her invest it and live off of the interest and she told me that she would pay the lion’s share of whatever place we get. She said she would only want me to pay $800…like…are you fucking kidding me? $800 to live in mother fucking LA? YES! YES YES YES YES YES YES! That’s fucking insane! That’s like a third of what people are paying up there. But she says she doesn’t want to be up there alone and she’d feel safer if I was up there with her.

But, here’s the biggest problem…so you know how I’ve been complaining about how I don’t really have a sex drive and I don’t get turned on very easily and blah blah blah? Well…last night, at one point Lex and I hugged…and then right afterwards she was like, “Wait, I want another hug!” and it was a super tight hug, right?

Well…I totally fucking got hard just from giving her a hug…

…that’s a fucking problem.

I can’t live with her, right?

I can’t tell her any of this, either, because she doesn’t really have anyone in her life and I really want to be there for her and I don’t want to make things weird and I don’t want to fuck anything up…I just want to be there for her and hang out with her and spend time with her.

I am good at taking feelings and ignoring them.

I mean…I usually use a lot of alcohol to accomplish that goal…

…fuck, this is going to be interesting to see how this pans out.

Every time we hang out, we both talk about how we don’t want a relationship and how we think sex is gross.

I’m really just setting myself up to hurt here.

Fuck.

Also, this crush isn’t new…I just thought I had made it go away. I’ve had this fucking crush on Lex for like two years now.

Double fuck.

I can make it go away again…right?

…

(On a side note, how do you upload pictures on here? I was trying to upload a picture from my google drive and it wasn’t working, and then I tried to just upload a random picture from the internet to test it out, and I got the same broken link results…so, any help on that end would be much appreciated.)

…

That’s all.
Speaking of Lex, I need to go get her right now, she has some people coming to look at the house, so we’re going to go hit the beach for a couple of hours.

I’m sure that’s a great idea, that will help the situation a lot, let’s get her in a swim-suit, good thinking Dane.

anyway.
I love you.
Wish me luck.
Pray for me.
Jesus.
-Dane

Last updated April 29, 2019