Yep. That’s been my downfall. I’ve always been attracted to the wrong brand of masculinity.
Repeating the same actions and expecting different results over and over again is the definition of insanity.
I was insane. Fucking insane. Literally out of my mind with mental illness so powerful, so consuming, that I was attracted to the very thing that was my downfall. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
I am no longer insane. I have seen what real masculinity looks like. Oh, you guys. It’s so beautiful. It’s a warm blanket, it’s the sun on your face, it’s a cool breeze on a warm day. It’s healthy and good for you and doesn’t require conditions or compromise of yourself.
Oh, it’s just damn nice.
Also, I have a date on Sunday with a guy I have never met. Started talking to him a couple of weeks ago, we were supposed to meet, he cancelled, and I thought that was the end of it. He texted me tonight and asked me out again, so what the hell, I’m game.
But if I detect even a hint of toxicity, I’m out of there. It’ll be in a public place where I have many friends on staff, so it’s all good. What’s the worst that can happen? I get a drink out of the deal and my friends won’t let me get stupid. I hope. I’ll have to call a pre-game meeting or something to let everyone know not to let me get stupid.
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