I am my own monster in Musings

I sat in my bullshit luxury apartment’s bathroom… in the corner contemplating if I should just drink the Clorox or slap the rest of my Ativan down my throat and end everything… I’m so tired, I’m so broken—my mother is dying and I’m hurting and I don’t know how to stop her suicide. I feel useless. I feel like I’ve failed.

I feel like my siblings don’t make my money and I’m making all the decisions because I make money.

I am crawling into a ball of desperation, just like I did when I was 15 years old… and it’s fucking dark and the only way out is to end it all. Chug some Clorox, slam down a 30 day subscription of Ativan.

I’m scared if myself