pick up in 2019

6:05pm

Well, I was going to wait until I got home to even start this entry but it looks like I’ll be at work a little longer. Might as well start clicking away at the keys to see what I can come up with. I know there’s a lot of updates on stuff that haven’t happened over the last few weeks, but I’m not sure how much of it I’ll actually remember at this point. Normally I find at least a tiny bit of time to type something up but not this year. It was insanely busy the entire season and it left very little time to even eat or sleep, let alone type rambling entries about my life.

It’s good though. Life is good. Really good right now. I’m happy. I’m 100x better than I was this time last year and especially the couple years before that. It’s nice to be in a place where I feel like myself again. So I won’t complain too much. It’s good to be busy at work and have so many new people coming to see us for help. Can’t complain about the excellent reputation that seems to be spreading about us. And of course I am absolutely grateful to have the work that I do and the income to survive the rest of the year. Those are all good/great/wonderful things. But it’s hard to be positive when you’re tired and hungry. hah. So it’s probably best that I didn’t write much. Although I have a feeling most of the entries would have been about the neighbours and their friend anyway. =P

Before that though…I’m probably leaving tomorrow to go pick up my uncle’s ashes. A task (?) that I am not looking forward to and also trying to spend very little time thinking about. I think the worst part, other than the obvious loss of my uncle, is having to go to the center where he lived and talk to the people that knew him. I don’t want the sympathy and I especially don’t want the tears. I don’t want to be hugged, or touched, or have to sit through long stories about how much they miss him. I get it. I’m glad that he probably had an impact on at least a few people there. He was a wonderful man. Funny, witty, sharp, amazingly generous. But I already know those things about him and I kinda want to be left alone to grieve on my own.

I don’t do well in social situations in general. I do even worse in forced awkward social situations and with anything that involves sadness and negative emotions. I’m just not good at those things in public and I don’t like to feel forced into them.

Basically though I’m hoping we can make it quick. Pick up what’s left of his stuff [if anything. I feel bad but I have this thought that stuff might have “mysteriously” disappeared between then and now] and get out of there. I don’t think we’re going to go around spreading his ashes on this trip. We’ll probably just pick him up and bring him home. Gosh that is so weird to say. I don’t think I’ve ever been around the cremation thing, it’s pretty much all been burials. So it’s strange and I don’t even know how to talk about it. Whatever. It sucks.

In other news: I have so much to say about the neighbour’s friend but I don’t even know where to start. Like I’ve seen him almost every weekend because we both end up at the house next door, and we always seem to end up alone in a room together. Not by our own doing, everyone just disappears. Very suspicious, I know. We basically spent all afternoon together yesterday sitting on the couch [after the bbq and lunch] watching TV while the neighbours drifted in and out of the room. It was kinda weird but not all at the same time. I mentioned it to him at some point how neither of us lived there and he said it was good they had two living rooms so they could leave one to us and do their own thing. hah. But despite spending all this time with him I still have no idea what’s going on there. If anything.

I would like to put some more thought into this but it’s getting late. I was supposed to take my shot tonight and then I had so much going on after work that I decided to postpone for the morning. So I better wrap this up, post it, and come back later for the rest. Perhaps while I’m on the trip I’ll find the time/space to type it all out. There are moments I would like to store some where for future reminiscing. I’d like to get them down before I forget so I’ll have to focus on that now that I have more time.

Good night for now.

rose.
10:35pm