I Blew Up in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I blew up for the first time in a long time.
I feel like a total asshole.
I want to crawl into a hole and die.
But I was just pushed too far.

I was asked to help open this restaurant…so I came to open it. And it has been hell so far, and I have not made any money…and it’s just been three weeks of bullshit basically.

I was hired on as a bartender and in three weeks I have not made one drink.

There was a last straw.
I called one of my managers and yelled and swore and I felt bad.
My other manager text me and said she didn’t appreciate being called spiteful and talked poorly about.

I told her I didn’t call her spiteful or talk poorly about her, I said I felt like I was being disrespected and chastised event though I was going above and beyond, but I did get emotional and I apologized for getting emotional.

I haven’t heard back from her yet.

I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and throw up and die.

Golnar text me…she said she felt that I needed someone.
I really do love her so much.
I think she’s going to come by for a little bit.
I told her I’m in pretty bad shape.
I dunno.

I have a lot of you to catch up on.
A lot of reading to do.
I’ve been gone.
I don’t know if I can read right now…I want to curl up and die.
I want to kill myself.
I want to run away.
I want to disappear.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate losing my temper and yelling at people, but lately I just have been in this mode where I have felt like I don’t want to take shit from anyone anymore so I’m still being a nice person, but I’m not just smiling and taking it when people are being rude or talking down to me or trying to take advantage of me.

And I definitely feel taken advantage of.

FUCK

I love you.
Bye.
-Dane