1.Whats your name?
I’m between names at the moment, sadly.
2.How old are you?
Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.
3.Greatest birthday gift you ever got?
Freedom from my wombcage. Second greatest was a Mister Frosty.
4.Do people who you think are prettier than you make you feel subconscious?
I always feel subconscious.
5.Are you a shy person?
Nope, but I’ve been told I’m a shite one.
6.Worst memory you have?
My mister frosty breaking after 20 minutes. I used the shards to escape my wombcage.
7.First memory you can remember?
I forget.
8.Do you have a favorite pair of shoes?
I not only have a favourite pair, I have an only pair!
9.Oldest object you own? When did you get it?
My face. It was given to me by my mother and father. Possibly the milk man as well.
10.Meanest person you know? Why do you feel this way?
Me. And because screw you that’s why.
11.Best teacher you ever had?
The guy who conned me out of eight pounds because he “needed petrol”. I learned to never trust anyone with a face who could talk.
12.Greatest lesson you learned… on your own?
How to breathe for myself. I still use that technique today!
13.Worst heartbreak? Who causes it, and what was it over?
Ronald McDonald. By encouraging me to eat unhealthy food, he has ruined my heart valves forever.
14.Ever been dumped? By who?
Nope! It doesn’t count as dumping if you run away before they can finish doing it.
15.Have you ever dumped someone? Why?
Nope! They were too good at running.
16.Best thing to do on a rainy day?
Agriculture.
17.Who do you look like most, mom or dad?
Your dad.
18.What celebrity do you think you look like?
Simon Weston.
19.Are you a virgin?
If only.
20.Weirdest spot you ever had sex?
My elbows.
21.Do you like the rain?
Yes, but it makes me sad that rain can’t return those feelings.
22.Weirdest experience you ever had?
I saw a cow once.
I was in a lift.
23.Your best friend in 1st grade?
Science.
24.Your best friend now?
Mad Science.
25.Do you trust people?
Why are you asking? What are you after??
26.Where do you buy most of your food?
The pet store.
27.Do you like Starbucks or McDonald’s coffee more?
Starbucks doesn’t stain my toes as much.
28.Do you love packages?
Yep! Especially suspect ones. The more wires the better!
29.Last thing you ordered online?
Wires.
30.Last thing you bought?
Packing tape.
31.Last house you have been to, who’s was it, and why were you there?
Mine. I live here.
32.Last thing that upset you?
Running out of wires.
33.One thing that people do that you cannot stand?
Break my legs.
34.Do you speed?
Only downhill.
35.Do you roll through stop signs?
Only downhill.
36.Have you ever been a drunk driver?
No, but since my brakes failed driving has been just as fun anyway
37.Do you have kids?
Apparently.
38.One kid you cannot stand?
Baby Hitler.
39.Rudest person you know:
Sod off.
40.How old were you when you had your first kiss?
I’d just started my first year at a Catholic school.
41.Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
No, but that never stopped them.
42.Did or do you play any school sports?
Group alcoholism was always a high point
43.Can you swim?
Like a fish. Once I’m in the water I stay under it until someone pulls me out.
44.Tell me the scariest thing that has ever happened to you:
Someone spoke to me on the bus last week. Horrifying.
45.Has anyone ever saved your life?
Every driver who hasn’t run me over on purpose.
46.If you were in the water and saw a shark, what would you do?
Keep very still and hope it’s vision is based on movement.
47.Do bugs scare you?
Only when they’re swarming all over me, biting, stinging, laying eggs etc. All other times they’re fine.
48.Your pet peeve:
Needs feeding daily.
49.What do you think the worst trait another person can have is?
A failure to realise that they, like everyone, has something of worth within them. Also, chewing with their mouths open.
50.Do you have any pimples on your face right now?
There’s not enough room amongst the scars and weeping sores for a pimple.”
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