life update/happy new years in random

first things first happy new years and such
i mean time is a human construct so really there is no new year but whatever lol
anyways on to the main event
so i’m disgusting
i’ve been purging a couple times a week and usually not eating over like 1000 calories
which is obviously not that low but its a start lol
idk if its an eating disorder ? like probably not cause i’m not underweight so whatever i’m not gonna die any time soon (unfortunately lol)
anywaysss it seems like purging is the new cutting for me
i got new blades in like october and ive only used like 3 so far
i mean thats partially cause my mom would 100% notice if i started wearing long sleeves all the time again
speaking of which my sister recently got caught with juul pods and blades and whatnot
which is fUn
shes also been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder (possibly more idk)
all i know is that she was restricting/fasting and purging and she lost a bunch of weight in a short period of time
soo now shes seeing a bunch of nutritionalists and therapists and whatnot
my mom’s super stressed cause her mom has addiction problems™️ and keeps getting hospitalized and shes afraid my sister is gonna end up the same way
so i mean i cant tell her shit cause she thinks i’m recovered and everything and she trusts me so yknow
but uhh yeah current plan is to lose 60+ pounds by may which should be possible since i’ve lost 30 ish since october and i feel like losing another 60 or so might make me not hate myself as much which would be nice
purging has made my throat shit tho lol like my breathing is scratchy and it feels like i have a constant sore throat haha
not to mention the acid reflux
i sure do love feeling like i’m about to throw up constantly
to be fair it does make purging that much easier so whatever lol
i have a doctor’s appointment on monday so oof lol
i purged tonight and my plan is to fast until tuesday morning so hopefully the doctor won’t notice anything wrong
oh yeah i had my first red bull a couple days ago
it was pretty gross and didnt do much energy-wise
i think i’ll try a monster or five hour energy next
or a rockstar ive heard those work pretty well
i also need to get more peppermint tea since i’m gonna fast and gum
this is turning into a grocery list lol
i think i’ll stop here, i’ll probably update again on tuesday
not that anyone gives a shit lmaooo