no13 in idea barrages

1.) I hate that risotto balls are called “Arancini” because “risotto balls” would be a great insult if only the phrase were more popular.

2.) Whenever possible, intentionally misspell “Bulgaria” as “Bulgearea” just to see if anyone calls you on it.

3.) Mime. Buffoon. Hobo. Jester. Harlequin. Pierrot. Auguste. THE TIERS OF A CLOWN, DO DO DO DO DO DO DO!

4.) It is difficult to imagine people ACTUALLY being offended by Christmas music coming out early, especially in 2018. Any respite from the fake president is a blessing, even if it’s “Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” on November 2nd.

5.) (Okay, this one’s hacky but it’s meta hacky.) Did you hear the one about the atheist and the vegan? Of course you did, neither of them would shut up about it!

6.) Early 90s Life Hack: scratching the top of the package of Marvel Series One cards because you knew the holograms were always top-packed. I forget if my brother figured this out or my friend Ron figured this out but either way, genius.

7.) Turns out, it’s only Easter once a year on Easter Island, just like everywhere else. What a rip-off.

8.) Sandlerman is a lot like Slenderman except instead of scaring you, he just makes you really sad that he hasn’t been funny in the last fifteen years.

9.) When recreational marijuana is legal everywhere, Kool-Aid is going to make a mint licensing out defunct Kool-Aid flavour names for weed strains. Purplesaurus Rex, The Great Bluedini, Pink Swamingo. All the best weed names are former Kool-Aid names.

10.) Today’s telephone solicitors: PETA and Omaha Steaks. I kind of wished I could’ve conferenced them in together and made them battle for my money.