Things I Can't Say To My Friends in meh...
- Oct. 31, 2018, 9:09 a.m.
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- Public
Mostly because I don’t have any and the other because the ones I have, don’t understand.
(Side note: I’m in the home stretch. I’m kind of in between events at work AND this is the last real full week of jury duty. I go on Thursday and next week Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. I will catch up on what needs to be read, I promise. I miss writing.)
I had the chance to be at a party and the question was “How long can you go without sex? How long has it been?” No one understands why I can go so long without it. It’s part spiritual, it’s part me.
1) Spiritual:
When you connect with someone, energy is transferred. When you connect with someone sexually, it’s not just a plug in socket or however you get down. You are vulnerable, open, and receptive to everything that is in their spirit, who they are. It’s chemical. Some folks are good to have sex with and bad in other ways and their energy can be trash. I’ve learned this in my 20s. You can actually start taking on other people’s habits and traits because of sex. I don’t want that in my life. I’ve got enough issues of my own. I don’t need to adopt someone else’s foolishness.
2) Me:
a. I don’t have the time
b. I’m not the casual sex type of person. When I connect I CONNECT and need more than just…that.
c. Sex is not a big deal to me. It’s great, it’s an important expression. I’ve had good and bad, great, exceptional and mediocre. It’s not about getting off to me.
d. I have delusions that no one will want me anyway. The only person who wants me sexually, married someone else. ::shrugs::
e. I don’t want to resign myself to just being someone’s fuck buddy. I always crave more than just that.
My friend Yholla says that she wants me to start dating. I tell her I want to start dating and that I want a relationship, but I can’t invite anyone into my life as is. My shit is always chaotic.
And that’s it.
Repetitive and Random.
I do that very well.
Thanks for “listening”, if you did, to the ramblings of a weirdo. lol
Kindest regards,
Sister
Gilraent ⋅ October 31, 2018
I can relate to a lot of what you said, actually... but nowadays I pretty much consider myself asexual. I don't seem to want it, or need it, to find that connection.