oct5 in idea barrages

1.) At least Mr. Burns has the old-fashioned gumption to live in the same town as his victims, not some Bentonville bunker or Mountain View mansion.

2.) Maybe Trump’s tweets are so incoherent because he can’t afford an editor, he’s just too short-handed.

3.) Angles are difficult to measure but we don’t have to have a protracted argument about it.

4.) I wonder how often you could call Rob Zombie “Bob Zombie” before he realized you were just doing it to mess with him.

5.) The guy on Good Mythical Morning has the most punchable beard in history. Years of science must have been devoted to constructing a beard that punchable.

6.) When Canadians refer to a year of schooling as, like, “Grade 8” instead of “Eighth Grade”, it sounds like they’re talking about a very low military rank. “Oh, they only let us peel potatoes at Grade 8”.

7.) It’s like THE PURGE except it’s the day everyone is forgiven for drinking terrible extreme sodas from the ‘90s, THE SURGE.

8.) Whenever the first round of the baseball playoffs are referred to as the NLDS or the ALDS, I briefly think the story is about some rare disease we’re trying to cure.

9.) Don’t raise your kids to be obedient, raise your kids to be good. Watch the news, see the horrors brought onto this world by obedient people. Raise doubters, raise kind people. Obedient people cheer rapists to the Supreme Court. Doubters resist.

10.) Waiting for your car to be serviced in a dealership waiting room is a stark reminder that daytime over-the-air television is possibly even stupider than cable news. If that’s possible.

11.) Red faced old bigots blithering to defend a rapist because it’ll make them some money. What a disgusting farce. Fox News isn’t QUITE as bad as Dr. Phil but holy Christ, it’s close.

12.) Bubba Gump drink glasses are the new McDonalds Garfield mugs at thrift stores across the country, by the way, if you want to know the fresh trends on buying weird junk.

13.) I mean, you CAN respect authority, if an authority has earned it but never as a default. And even then, make sure it’s an exception not the rule.

14.) Living with the deadly serious consequences of a deeply unserious time.

15.) A traffic circle roundabout, like democracy, when everyone knows how to use it and does so in good faith, the best thing going but one jerk or idiot and its disaster all the way down.

16.) If you narc out your buddy for having an automatic knife, you’re a total snitchblade.