Stepping forward in Das Book

Here's my first entry at Prosebox. I can't believe Opendiary is actually dead. It's upsetting. It's sad. It's the end of a chapter.

I'm sitting at a tiny Buddhist university right now, in the library. I have just finished part one of a two-day interview process. I'm trying to get into their Masters in Counseling: Wilderness Therapy program.

I am overqualified. I am the only person at this interview session who has worked in the actual field of wilderness therapy. I've spent 60 weeks in the outdoors with at-risk youth. It has recently come to my attention that this is a lot. I am remarkable. Most people don't make it past ten.

But it's the only job that's ever made me feel whole. It's the hardest job I've ever done but it makes me feel alive and it brings out the best in me. One of my old students recently emailed me and told me that she still honors the outdoors as a teacher to her and she asked me how to get into wilderness therapy herself, as an instructor this time. I'm so proud of her. The day I met her she spent four hours curled in a ball on the side of a mountain, clutching her face to her knees and refusing to speak to anyone. I sat with her. Eventually she loosened her grip. I sat with her. She glanced at me. I sat with her. She sat up. I sat with her. She put on her backpack. I sat with her. She stood up. We hiked together. Two weeks later she ran a half a mile with her pack on to "Show you how strong I feel!"

I just really, really want to start school here next year. I'm ready! I've figured out how to do a lot of therapy just by being in the moment with my students but I'm so ready to figure out what those interventions I've learned about are called and I'm so ready to dig deeper and understand where their pains are coming from and help them!

I just want to help them. I just want them to understand that they have power in their lives. That their voices mean something. That being human is their greatest strength. That there is a place in the world for them.

Tomorrow I have an individual interview and then I go away from here and wait to hear whether I will be spending my next three years immersed in meditation, counseling, wilderness, compassion, mindfulness, the present moment.

Please oh please.

<3