au21 in idea barrages

1.) I want some, like, really realistic pragmatic love songs on the radio. “Settle for me, it wouldn’t be the worst thing, settle for me, I’m not that bad”.

2.) If your book on the history of the bra isn’t called “A Trip Down Mammary Lane” why are you even writing the damn book?

3.) I feel like some things would be far more accepted if they just used a cuter word for it. Why call it “analingus” when you could call it “hum-buggery”?

4.) Another fun way to mess with people is to use the term “Nintendo” generically, as a term for all video game systems. “Oh, you got a Nintendo game, cool. Is it for the X-Box Nintendo or the Playstation Nintendo?”

5.) I can’t use the “thank you for coming to my Ted Talk” meme after going on a soapbox on social media because I’ve actually done a Ted Talk. (ALSO: whenever I’m not writing jokes, I’m on a soapbox so, like, that’s an issue too.)

6.) Monster-Man was bitten by a radioactive golem and now when there’s danger nearby, he yells “FRANKEN-SENSE TINGLING!”

7.) When all the mysterious Westleys and Inigo Montoyas let you down, ladies, ol’ Fezzik’ll be here, hangin’ around, being giant and rad.

8.) Saturday Night Fever. Tuesday Afternoon Ague. Friday Morning Dropsy. Monday Around Four-Thirty Blood Poisoning. Wednesday Noonish Urinary Tract Infection. Thursday Anytime Leprosy. Sunday Midnight Explosive Diarrhea.

9.) Real Talk: at this point, I’m not fit enough to Jog The Jewels, let alone Run them.

10.) A Hall And Oates parody about the Salvation Army called “Your Thrift Is On My List”?