5/30/05 in Victim of Society

I can't believe myself. Me and Craig hung out on Friday night and just ended up drinking and talking for 3 hours up at look out point. I ended up telling him that i rolled with a guy and that I sorta felt like I was getting attached to this guy but this guy has a girlfriend....I didn't tell him who the guy was but of course he guessed it was Matt right away and I tried denying it but it was too late...why the fuck did i open my big mouth!?! So I told Craig to promise me he would not tell Matt OR ANYONE that I told him what happened. HE FUCKING PROMISED ME. But he also told me all night long never to trust a druggie. I just didn't realize I couldn't fucking trust Craig, the guy I have been in love with forever..... So Matt comes into work today and me and him go outside to smoke and he tells me "yeah craig was all pissed at me last night" and I sorta look away knowing right away what he was talking about. I felt SUPER bad and he told me right when him and miki walked into Kyles house Craig came up to him and said "Are you rollin?" and matt said "no are you?" and craig was like "no but i know what u did" Matt sorta look him off the side where miki couldnt hear but she was still like 10 feet away and craig was talking really loud like yelling at matt and said "I know what you and a certain person did." And Matt was like "Are you talkin about me and natalie?" and craig said "yeah i am and u better stop this shit." and matt was just like "dude shut up ill fucking talk to u about this later" So now I am soooo fucking pissed at Craig for telling Matt after he promised me he wouldnt. But Im even more mad at myself for actually trusting Craig. I can't believe he just confronted him about it RIGHT infront of Miki....luckily she didnt hear anything but she could have it was just too close. I do not want matt and miki's relationship to be ruined all because of stupid fucking me. You dont know how bad I would feel. So all tonight at work I just felt like shit, Matt kept reassuring me he wasnt mad but still. Im scared craigs going to go off and tell miki or sumthing then i dont know wtf i will do. So I texted craig saying wtf why did u tell matt and he was like "i dont know what ur takling about, tell matt what?" acting all stupid as though he didnt know what i was talking about saying he was "too drunk to remember" blablabla. Hes fucking ruining everything. Im scared hes going to talk to Matt about it and tell Matt that i said I feel like i might be getting attached. Or im scared he mite make up shit saying me and Matt did stuff together when I never fucking told him that and me and matt havent done ne thing sexual together. I duno what to think. If me and matt are just friends? if he thinks of me as ne thing more then a friend? if him and miki are going to stay together? if craigs going to open his fucking mouth and have ppl like kyle or even worse MIKI find out.....im just fucking scared. And Matt said he wasnt mad at me he was mad at craig. he said craig looked all craked out and his eyes were all big and he was telling matt to stop doing what hes doing. and matt said that he thinks craig is jealous about sumthing and that craig wants me. but thats soo not it. idk what it is. i dont get why craigs getting all mad. this is none of his fucking business. so now im all stressed out about this not knowing wtf is going to happen and i have a shit load of homework to do but i can not fucking concentrate on it....ughh!!!!