1/6/2005 in Victim of Society

It's not fucking fair. Why did he have to die!?!? He was one of my best friends!! I HATE THIS WORLD. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep this out of my diary. JOSH DIED LAST DECEMBER. Im so mad right now, everything all of a sudden hit me again after I was looking at old pictures of him taken JUST LAST SEPTEMBER!! How can he be gone?!?! He was the nicest, most caring, super funny, smart, handsome, awesome PERSON!!! And now hes gone. Just like that. After one fucking car accident because of STUPID FUCKING SCOTT! He just had to drive drunk. They had to all be in the fucking car!! ITS NOT FAIR I HATE HAVING TO GO THROUGH THIS I JUST WANT HIM BACK!!!!! No one can ever replace him NO ONE! All i want to do is cry and cry and I want to bring Josh back. I was JUST WITH HIM THE NITE OF THE ACCIDENT! We had just talked, laughed, had fun hours before the fucking accident. Now everythings ruined. Words cant even fucking describe how frustrated, mad, hurt I am. How if only I had asked him and gil to stay the nite at andreas like I thought I should...then none of that would have happened. And Josh would have still been here. BUT NO I HAD TO KEEP MY STUPID MOUTH SHUT! how hard would it have been to say "Josh, Gil want to stay the nite over andreas with me and her?!" WHY COULDNT I HAVE SAID THAT!?!?!? god i just want to die :'-(