So yeah....me and my mom are still in a big fight and she wrote me this long letter and set it on my desk and I read it after I got home from school. This morning she was being really mean and saying that i "dont appriciate her" blablabla ...u know all that shit that parents say to try to make u feel bad..and i wasnt buying ne of it. But then she says she isnt gonna give me rides ne more so i was like ok watever. So then after school, me steven jennifer heather and stevens friend robert walked to mc donalds and then after that me heather and jennifer walked to my house. Thats when I read the letter.
"On the day you were born I will never forget the words of my mother, 'I am so happy you have a daughter, because you won't always have me.' I have kept those words in my heart ever since. It really hurts to think that you feel that I dont care about your feelings because I love you very mmuch and only want the best for you. I thought you knew this in your heart, but your words this morning made me realize you dont feel that way at all. If you think that just because I reprimand you now and then I am a bad mother, then so be it. Reprimanding is part of parenthood.To tell you the truth, I personally feel that you are never there for me either. When I lost my mother, a huge peice of me went with her and I am sorry if that has effected you by thinking I dont care about you because that is not true. Just try to rememebr that I hurt and I feel too. I am only human. Im sorry, Love Mom."
First of all...Im not mad at her because she "reprimanded me" Im mad because WHENEVER I TRY TO TALK TO HER I get just a bad look from her and a "i dont want to talk about this right now" Or when Im trying to tell her about my day or something that happened I get an "oh thats nice" or just an "oh" Its like god...I just told u something that I thought was important, important enough to tell u, and u dont even care! The reason that this is all going off right now is because Im sick of it. Its like shes THERE for me but not actually there for me. If that makes ne sense. And what set this off is when she PROMISED me that she would take me to get a homecomming dress and kept putting ME aside like I was not important. Then she has the nerve to act like im some big inconvience and DIDNT EVEN BOTHER to ask to see my homecomming dress. Wow mom, sure sounds like you care about me ;-)
Anyways, I got my own ride to work and my own ride back from work. And when I got home from work, my dad comes in and says "so did u get the letter from your mother?" ..."yes"...."well dont u think u should say something to her" WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY. am i supposed to rite some letter back to her since shes like too chicken to come up and talk to her own daughter? hmm....then he gets all mad saying i was "sneaking around getting rides" oh what am i supposed to do WALK?! oh ok!!! rigggggggghtttttttt
I am just over it though. Me and my dad lost our communication along time ago. I still thought I had my mom to talk to but im finally realizing i dont. So I guess mine and her relationship is officially gonna be like mine and my dads. Which definatly isnt a good one. But its ok I realize I have people in my life I actually can talk to, and who actually do care. So my idea I told my dad was that were all just not gonna talk to eachother about our problems. And thats about the time he stormed out of my room pissed off.
I look at it this way, if my own parents dont even realize whats going on in my life... and i mean the depression stuff....then that is a sure sign they dont care enough. I mean, yea Im sure they care. But if they truely cared alot about me and whats going on in my life..they wouldnt keep putting me aside, wouldnt keep addressing all my problems as "typical teenage stuff" and would have seen the clues that maybe I really am not well. Maybe I really do have a bad case of depression. But whatever, what am i to know, Im just a stupid melodramatic teenager right?
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