5/27/04 in Victim of Society

Today my parents left to go visit my uncle in Palm Springs so I knew Id be home alone all day so I wanted to like get drunk or sumthing. So I found a bottle of rum, invited Heather over and we had a few shots then shared a beer. Then we walked down to Evergreen to hang out with everyone. Well Seth was there and whenever Im drunk me and him like attach lol. So me him and Heather went to In N Out and we just all sat around talking. Then we went back to Evergreen and Heather went to Liz's and Seth was like "Stay with me Natalie" So I did and we wanted to go out into the forest so I followed him. And we were both talking about sex and stuff and I was telling him that I wouldn't have sex with anyone in the group. He didn't really understand why but he respected that and said he didn't want to do anything with me if I didn't want to. And so we just sat there for awhile and he kept asking me if I felt uncomfortable and I said no. Then he was like "I want to hook up with you" So I was like ok..and we just stared at eachother. Then we started kissing and so I guess we made out for like 5 minutes and I knew he wanted to go farther but I wouldn't let myself. I stopped and I was like "Let's go back" I could tell he didn't want to so we kissed a bit more and then finally I was like "Ok Im going back are u gonna come?" and he was like "yeah" So I asked if he was mad at me and he kept telling me that he wasn't. So I hope he wasn't. But I was proud of myself that I didnt go far with him. Well after that me and Heather went back home and then she left and I started feeling really depressed. This always happens to me when Im coming down from being drunk. I was talking to Corey and he was telling me that like Sky and Lehna are practically going out now just without the title and for some reason that made me sad. Just the fact that I thought me and him were gonna be pretty close and the fact that he just completely stopped calling me, leaving me messages on the Dilly and talking to me made me even more upset. Then he wasn't even on evergreen cuz he was out hanging with Lehna. Whatever though, I was stupid to think he actually liked me. Well since I guess David is still mad at me, I am going to just hang out at Clair's tomorrow night cuz she's having a party and her mom always buys us a bunch of vodka and stuff. I also want to go to the school dance thing. Gen and Jamie were supposed to go with me. But Gen wasn't at school today or online. I hope her grandma didnt die or something because her grandma has been really sick lately and last weekend Gen said she was close to dying :( So I hope everything's ok with her...