4/23/04 in Victim of Society

I don't know what's wrong with me but I just need to vent. First off I have this really bad cold and all I feel like doing is sleeping. Well what else is new? I always only feel like sleeping. Even when I'm with my friends trying to have a good time, I start feeling really lousy and wanting to sleep...but now I have the chills and a headache to go along with it. It was like 100 degrees outside today and I had a sweatshirt and pants on---still cold! Well anyways..I did alot of thinking today and alot of things were going through my head. Like what the fuck is really wrong with me? Why am I always super tired, and pissed off most days. Then I came home after school and saw that my mom was in a really bad mood and of course tired and all she wanted to do was sit on the computer. I asked when dinner was..she said she wasn't cooking it. Well lucky for my I have my license now so I went out to get food. Then it hit me...I am turning into my mom! Am I really suffering from CHRONIC FATIGUE?!?! MAJOR FUCKING MOODSWINGS?!?! Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I DO NOT want to be like her. Just thinking about having kids and just completely choosing the computer or TV over then just makes me want to throw up. But what if I do have kids, and I don't have enough energy to spend time with them? It's like shes ALWAYS here but never really here..if that makes any sense. Oh how I wish I had someone..ANYONE to talk to about just everything. I try to talk to people but they usually end up just talking about their problems without even considering what the fuck I just spilled out to them. And of course I sit there and sympathize with them when my emotions are the ones going haywire. I'm not meaning to sound selfish or anything but once in awhile everyone needs someone to REALLY listen to them. It really feels as though I have no one to really talk to. All I hope is that I can fix whatever the FUCK is wrong with me before I turn into my mom..or maybe it's too late.