You Would Not Believe The Week I've Had in Struggles with Addiction & Depression

I’m having the greatest week of my life.

On Friday I took a bump on my longboard that I’ve rolled over countless times before but something about my speed or my foot placement or just the way a butterfly flapped its wings on the other side of the world sent me reeling forward and I spilled out across the gravel intersection scraping the meat off of my hand and elbow.

That evening I quit my job and told my abusive and narcissistic mother that I never want to speak to or see her again for as long as I live and that our relationship was not and never had been close or familial. She had also been my employer for the past decade.

And finally yesterday I went out for a nice brunch with the woman I love with whom I thought things were going very well and was looking optimistically towards a bright future with but by 3pm we had broken up in a fashion that leaves absolutely no question about the possibility of us ever starting over for what would then be the third time.

But I feel fucking fantastic. I’m alive in a way I haven’t felt before. Sled Island music festival is currently happening in my city and I’m being paid out for the rest of the month. I’ve got a festival pass on my wrist and last night at the opening show I sat in a dark corner drinking a beer, smiling and talking to friends that came and went. Someone called me zen when I told them about my week.

And then I met Vily.

I’m almost certain she was made in a computer to remind me not to jump headfirst on the first ship that sails by me. All my life I’ve been convinced I was worthless and unloveable but now I finally love myself and know my worth and it cannot be denied.

Within the first five minutes we exchanged phone numbers. After 10 minutes we talked about starting a band, showed photos of our pets, talked about dreams, breakups, teen goth awkwardness, declared ourselves friends and hugged. Then we danced to Melted Mirror close together in the crowd and neither one of us seemed to mind much when the swells of the crowd or a passing patron forced our dancing bodies close enough to momentarily touch.

I’m looking forward to starting a new job next month that I have absolutely no experience or proclivity for. I’ll be making an office space style move, abandoning a life I’ve always hated in IT support work for a job in high elevation flat roofing. I honestly can’t wait to listen to classic rock in the hot midday sun and fucking accomplish something with my hands.

Still taking lexapro.

Last updated June 20, 2018