Stirrings in The Truth (As I Know It)

I’m starting to notice some nascent stirrings within me. A feeling like maybe I’m not content to be the invisible nonentity I’ve been for so much of my life. That maybe I’d like to turn all the negative energy that I’ve pointed inwardly at myself into positive, outward looking energy. That maybe my life-long battle with depression is simply misplaced passion and intensity. Because I certainly have been an enthusiastic depressive. I don’t do things halfway- and I’ve been all-in with depression and anxiety for much of my life. I obsessively latch on to whatever is the focal point of my thinking, and by and large that focus has been negativity and hopelessness. I don’t wade into anything- I dive in deeper and deeper until I DROWN in it. And my depression feeds off all the obsessive attention I give it. What if all that passion and energy was directed outward and away from my vulnerabilities?
I am an emotional, passionate, intense “thinker”- and I have been the victim of a self-cannibalizing mind. Unless sufficiently stimulated and focused, my mind will continue to eat itself. I need to feed it- I stopped feeding it. It’s time to reverse the camera and look out at the world again.