apr26 in idea barrages

1.) Professional wrestling is a series of conflicts… of interest!

2.) If you get together at a cafe to make fun of a charlatan who pretends to talk from the dead so as to exploit the grieving, you’re having a medium roast coffee.

3.) Your parody of SMOOTH CRIMINAL about “The Usual Suspects” will involve replacing “Annie, are you okay?” with “ARE YOU KEYSER SOZE, WILL YOU TELL ME, ARE YOU SOZE? (I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T KNOW)!”

4.) Ryan Adams is, of course, unconscionable lame however I would give him a few points if he busted out a cover of “Everything I Do I Do It For You” with the letter “b” omitted from all lyrics, every once in a while.

5.) When purchasing sausage gravy in bulk, it is your moral imperative to comment to the cashier “I NEVER SAW SUCH GRAVY!”

6.) When they concocted the idea of “dabbing” to trick middle-aged white people into looking like idiots while trying to keep up with trends, they hid the joke right in the name. “Dab.” “D.A.B.” “Dumb American Bullshit”.

7.) You say that God doesn’t give us challenges we’re not up for, I say we’re all just water that when poured shaped to our glasses, we’re really saying the same thing, I just don’t appeal to magic.

8.) Telling Marty in ‘85 that Trump would have stolen the presidency by 2017 would’a gotten at least five times the incredulity that Doc gave us in ‘55 for a mediocre cowboy actor doing the same by ‘81. And rightly so. “Oh, and the Russians did it for him.” Brain a’splode.