Current yammerings in Self-Improvement, 2018

Guys I am trying REALLY hard to change my thought processes. Like I’m now really good at catching them when they start, but its the whole putting a halt to them that is the hardest part. While acting like everything.is.just.fine on the outside.

Lonely is a terrible, terrible feeling. Debilitating. Weekend evenings/nights are the hardest. Evening if I’m occupying/distracting myself by taking the dog for a walk, the negative thoughts are there and attacking with brutal force. And almost believable. almost

Work isn’t any better. I’ve decided its high time I update my resume, even if I don’t submit it anywhere yet. I last updated it in 2014 right before I got this job. So I’ve opened it up and realized just how much updating it needs lol. I haven’t done much to it yet; its pretty overwhelming/intimidating lol.

I’ve also browsed some local meetups online. I’m going to go back to the book club I used to go to on a regular basis. Pretty sure its mostly new people I’ve never met now, but that’s not a bad thing either. I’ve joined some other meetup groups, but haven’t RSVP’d to any of their meetups yet.

I made tentative plans to hike some trails with a friend-of-a-friend at the HOH rain forest on Sunday the 25th. I say “tentative” because she’s kind of sketchy/flakey when it comes to plans. But its something to possibly look forward to.

Because if nothing changes with my social life/work, the loneliness has me scared. Maybe not the loneliness per se, but the negative energy that comes with it. Its powerful and all-consuming and not in any sort of good way.

Once football season is over, I’ll take more of an initiative to broadening my social life. Speaking of football season, our away game in UTAH got cancelled. Hallelujah. I totally didn’t take Doggy Day Care into consideration when planning that weekend. The Utah team either forfeited or isn’t playing at all this year. All I know is that the owner of our team said they “folded” and we won’t be playing them at all this season. That saves some travel costs and time.

Saturday we spent a solid hour of our 3 hour practice doing non-stop tackling drills. Its Monday and I still feel like I got hit by a bus. I swear they do tackling drills until someone gets hurt. On Saturday it was a broken finger that someone got. Some practices we do minimal tackling drills and focus more on speed/agility/accuracy drills. Other practices the coaches get hairs up their butt and have us tackling until someone inevitably (seriously!) gets injured. Was this on my list of why its okay to not play football next year? If it wasn’t, I’m adding it.

Anyway, I should probably get back to work now.