Wife in Stuff
- March 6, 2018, 4:07 p.m.
- |
- Public
We had a break between storms and Megan texted to ask if she could take us all out to dinner. I agreed, somewhat reluctantly. Not because I wasn’t interested in going out, but because I didn’t really want her to feel like she had to treat us. If I take her out to dinner I’m only paying for one extra person, but if she takes out my whole family, she’s paying for four more.
We went out and had a nice meal. Our server was super friendly. I was a little surprised by her because it was a bit of an upscale place and yet she had a nose ring and tattoos and an unusual hairstyle. But I wasn’t judging her, she was good at her job.
At one point it was just Olsen and me at the table. Megan had gotten up to use the restroom and Harry and Mercer were off doing something. The server came by to see how we were doing. She pointed to Megan’s empty glass and said to me, “Does your wife want a refill?”
There was definitely a moment of confusion before I realized whom she was talking about. And then when I did, I decided that correcting her was unnecessary effort. So I just said yes, she’d love a refill. Olsen looked at me and smiled a big one, but we didn’t say anything.
I have a positive and negative reaction to that experience:
Positive: I think it’s cool that we live in a time when women being married is so normal that we can feel safe sometimes making that assumption the same way we would make that assumption if we saw a man and a woman together.
Negative: It’s weird, as a straight woman, to feel like if I spend time with a female friend people might presume that we’re lovers. It’s not offensive or uncomfortable, but it’s weird. If I see two men sitting at a bar, I usually think they are coworkers having a drink after leaving the office. Are we instead getting to the point where we conclude that they’re married?
Domino ⋅ March 06, 2018
I dunno if it is a sign of the times that assumptions are made, only that people now say what they assume. Bad-Friend and I have joked for 17 years that people will be wondering if we're mum and daughter or lovers and Plumber-Girl and I have actually heard people arguing about whether we're together or sisters - in that case, both were quite adamant they knew. (We're neither.)
Phade ⋅ March 06, 2018
It's probably the inclusion of your kids. Visually, it probably looks more of a family going to dinner than a single woman taking a friend and her kids to dinner.
Phade ⋅ March 06, 2018
Additionally, it just occurred to me that if you were married and the staff had said "does your friend want a refill" it would seem a little more questionable and might actually offend some people who are married, since you looked so much like a family. At least, the other way around, it can be seen only as a slight misunderstanding, if you had corrected her.
Triple H Phade ⋅ March 08, 2018
Yeah, this is all very valid. I guess it would be best to use neither term and play it safe.
MadSeason ⋅ March 06, 2018
Interesting. I think I have to agree with Phade that with the kids you looked more like a family than just friends and it was the safer option to call her your wife.
I've had in a way similar encounters where people assume that my wife is a friend and our daughter just hers for the simple fact that I have a disability.
Perpetually Plump ⋅ March 06, 2018
Typically, two women can't produce three children. I would assume you were friends, but I'm old school. I'd be annoyed if everytime i was out with a dude people thought he was my husband!