I’ve started to realize over the past month or so that weekends - but Friday and Saturday nights, in particular - are really depressing for me. There’s the sense, I think, that every other adult I know is having meaningful interactions with other adults, and I’m not. And it’s not just a sense. Friends I might normally interact with online are typically incommunicado on those nights. They really are out having in-person interaction with spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, dates, friends, whatever.
And, of course, awareness that it’s depressing me intensifies that depression, or leads me to dwell on it more, at least.
Another thing that’s started to bother me – and this is hard to explain – is moments where I hear (or don’t hear?), or feel, an intense silence. I think it’s associated with winter and the cold, and I’d say nighttime, but I’ve felt it in daylight before. It happened to me tonight, running errands after a meeting, when I looked around and was surrounded by strangers, and everything felt bleak and and unfamiliar, even though I’d been to that same shopping plaza a million times before.
A friend of mine has talked for years about getting “the scaries,” which I think is mostly a drinking/hangover thing. I haven’t had a drink in almost a month. It’s not that. But I do feel scared when I feel that silence.
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