I didnt know. in Elm

So i dont want to be a victim of my life. But I really feel like one. Nothing seems to be really going right.



Sure im greatful and of course things could be worse. But something really deep is flawed missing and wrong and i dont know what it is.



I dont know what i need. I dont even know what i want. But than again i do i just dont know if i feel i dont want a relationship because i always get burned or money because it never lasts or a job because i end up getting bullied, sexually harassed under valued.



Im down depressed sick and tired of it all. I cant relax. I guess i just need to be patient but even than. What the fuck do i need to be patient for when there is no job prospects, no good men in my life or prospects.



Im trying really hard to put myself out there professionally and personally and everything just keeps crashing and burning. It all just feels all empty. Im not content. I cant sleep at night. Im restless worried about money my life my future my safety. I cant relax.



I have hardly no energy. And i second guess myself at every turn. Even the smallest decision is hard for me to make. Even if it benefits me. Practical. I feel guilty for everything thing i do. I am so freaked out about my money situation.



Sorry but its just not fucking fair. I try so hard. I am a good kind person. This is bullshit. I dont deserve this. But this is what i get.



Fuck i dont know. Im just so fusterated.

What the fuck is my purpose? Living from disabilty cheque to disabilty cheque. Barely scraping by?

Being betrayed ignored used abused at every turn?

Last updated March 13, 2019