ja5 in idea barrages

1.) If I had to go into the Witness Protection, I hope I got to be like a tour guide or bus driver so I could be all “I’m Don Stopbelievin and I’m here to take you on a journey.” I would be dead within the week.

2.) If The Improv ever did a public offering, I’d sure hope they call it a “Laughing Stock”.

3.) Marry a nag and you’ll always be harpily married.

4.) When Buffalo Bill from “Silence of the Lambs” says he’d kill for a body like yours, he means it.

5.) This isn’t even capitalism anymore, it’s neo-feudalism. It’s about binding the poor to an unfettered baron class. Why do you think Trump named his kid that?

6.) Watching old Match Game reruns, I realize: Betty White was born at the age of 49.

7.) Semi-regular weight update: in April, I was 358, today my brother’s scale said 293. Thank you for putting up with these in your feeds, keeping track of my blood sugar and weight helps reinforce my journey.

8.) Your rave festival will be called “Trancesylvania”. Your pacifiers so that you don’t bite off your tongue when you’re high on X will have little vampire teeth on the front of them. It will be goddamned adorable.

9.) A parody about the minor DC Comics character The Question called “I’ve Got Friends With No Faces”?

10.) That one terrible Midwestern sheriff totally ruined cowboy hats for African-American dudes. It used to be a really good look if a dude could pull it off but no longer. SAD.

11.) Sherman Oaks Galleria. Where even the security guards are modestly attractive.

12.) In Southern California, I have to laugh at how many people are in high heels when, in Utica or Albany, high heels in January are just an invitation for a broken tailbone.

13.) Simply commenting on things on the internet is our methadone of validation these days. Not enough to get high but enough to make the spiders go away.

14.) It’s the governmental version of vulture capitalism. Trump is not a man, really, but a private equity firm that leveraged a distressed property and is now selling off the parts before he burns the unsalable bits to the ground. No more, no less.