March 24th, 2013 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

I have been having odd coincidences happen a little too often. I am definitely one of those individuals that can read between the lines and things tend to pop out at me in unusual ways. Ever read those Dear Abby columns? Over here we have Dear Margot and I always read them while standing at the podium waiting for guests to arrive. I swear one of them was written about me. I had a couple people read it and they were like WHAT did you write that!? It was about a girl who got married about a year ago but had to move miles away from her home state and misses her old life. Her husband is a great guy but she often feels bored. Margot suggested a trial separation. I think it is ironic because we are facing this distance separation. I miss him so much, and I definitely feel bored. My life is so simple, structured, and ...normal. I've never had a "normal" life before. It feels uncomfortable in a way. I definitely miss certain aspects of my previous life, but I don't see how changing everything would make anything necessarily better for me. Yes things were a lot more fun back in the day, but I need to accept my age and act like a 25 year old. We live in a world with certain age norms and I need to get used to the fact that I am entering my late twenties.

I also think back to last summer and how I acted with Jon and how I felt. Summer is coming up and who knows what type of mood I will be in. I hate how my moods change so drastically from season to season. I met a guy who curiously lives right next to my work/school. He seems really nice and I'd love to hang out with him more often, but I haven't told him yet that I am married. I don't want to because I don't want to scare him away, but at the same time I don't want to lie out of omission and seem sketchy. I really just want a great guy friend to hang out with and not have him expect anything that crosses a certain line. That is extremely hard to find these days. But if I keep hanging out with all girls I might strangle myself. Anyway, he is a marine. I have been reading a ton of books lately and ironically a line from the book I just finished last night stuck out and made me throw my book down in shock. "She says I'm boring. She ran off with a marine."

Odd. Not that I am thinking of running off with this guy....but still.

I couldn't imagine my life without Dave. And when I do I think of before him. The past. The part of my that is so definite. So memorable, emotional, and concrete. I think about my present moment and nothing seems certain. There is no guarantees and this goes for everyone in regards to their past vs. their present. But I think that is what constantly screws me up, where most people can make sense out of their present moment and go with it, I seem to constantly crawl towards the past trying to hold on to things that are obviously long gone. Maybe one day I will be okay with my present moment. But for now, I am aware of my constant tendency to shake things up.