How far you goin back? 17: Way back 10: An it goes a lil somethin like this-, HIT IT.
Well, I figure nows a good a time as any to get started, to uh, recapture the spark, if you will. I mean, I'm reading porn and listening to videogame tracks-..I mean, like..if thats not the state of mind you need to be in for something like this..I dunno then, right? Right. Yeah, READING porn, its for men too apparently. Plus it really fills in..the uh...abundance of freetime I find at my disposal. You know, I could probably start where it all began-, because that..thats like, where things start: where they began. The place, the beginning in question, takes place in high school, duh. I've always been 'that' guy. I hate that term. Sometimes that guy is the annoying acquaintance you wish would leave you alone instead of trying to engage you everytime they see you, sometimes that guy is the one who tries too hard to be funny. I was just 'that' guy. The awkward freshman with the crush on the insanely hot senior girl in front of him, so on and so fourth. Hey, kid with the funky vans, to the 'real' skaters in my P.E. class. High school turns people into serial killers, man, no joke. I mean can you imagine that? A whole fucking generation of misguided suburban white kids bleaching their hair and proclaiming how punk and non conformist they were, were out to judge any and everyone they didnt like. Especially when that anyone wore a Dead Kennedys tshirt. Years later, fuck I'm pushing 30 and I honestly wonder I never really felt suicidal until I was in my 20's. 17: I'm not so strong, I'm only alive for the same reason you are. To smoke weed and because if I killed myself, that'd kill mom.
What a bunch of horseshit though, right? Oh Rick, boo fucking hoo, so the Waffen SS youth were mean to you in school. Hell I'm sure everyone and their mom has some BS that befalls them at some point in life-, I figure God just saw fit to bless me with more of those points in my life. Asshole, I can't wait to take a swing at you. I'm gonna too, mark my words motherfucker, you'll see it coming but I swear on my MOM, dawg, it's gonna connect, and I'm gonna put all my step into it. My early childhood? Shit, no complaints there. I mean, aside from being a different sort of kid, I mostly had fun. Don't let the mostly spook you, I mean that aside from one teacher I was'nt fond of and the usual growing pains of being a spoiled rotten little kid, I had fun, I was healthy, normal. I knew I was a different sort of kid early o-...no, No I don't mean different THAT way, dont judge me for my love of showtunes and jazz hands ok? I'M AN EXPRESSIVE MALE, SO SUE ME sashays away..and five six seven eight.. ..Anyway, I felt different early on. I was never really acclimated to being around children my own age, but that melted away even if I did start kindergarten a little late. I spent alot of time with my mom, she worked at a daycare center. Rules would dictate that as a youngster ,I'd have to stay on the piss reeking pre-school side, but thats not where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with the big kids, who I got along with swimmingly. They told me scary stories, dirty jokes, taught me how to shoot pool, never always made me 'it' during tag or hide & seek. One day though, I found myself stranded on the preschool side, I dunno where my mom was, I think I might've been over there just to reap the rewards of snacktime, and then it was time for, I dunno, naptime or some shit. So all the teddy bears lined up, all the honey bees lined up, all the ..something or others lined up, and then there was me. "I'm a fish." I said. I had went fishing with my dad over the weekend.
Every night when I go to bed, I just sigh because I already know how this'll end. I know not to answer the phone if it says withheld too, thats usually the cops.
This sucked, but I figure I'll stick with it. Tell me what you think, thats what you're supposed to do is'nt it?
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