Sadly it seems like our first transfer has been a fail. Official test day isn’t until Wednesday (it’s a late day to test). The tests we’ve done so far have been negative, not even a glimmer, and I’ve started bleeding.
Obviously Friday, when we tested, I spent the whole day crying. Today I’m sad that this embryo didn’t stick around but incredibly thankful that we have 3 high grade frozen embryos on ice for when we’re able to do another transfer.
I’m thankful that my body will have a chance to rest and heal from all the invasion it’s suffered over the last 2 months. I’m thankful that my hormones will have a chance to return to some kind of normal. I’m thankful I can have a glass of wine and enjoy myself without every second being about trying to have a baby.
Ivf is the only way we can have a baby and that’s fine. It’s a million times harder, emotionally and physically, than I ever considered it would be. It’s pushed me to the edge emotionally, I’ve spent weeks feeling quite unlike myself and being horrible to people, knowing I’m doing it but being unable to stop. I’ve injected myself more times than I can count. Life has been taken over by it. And I’m comforted that having the frozen embryos means I don’t have to go through all that again quite so soon. A frozen transfer is way less intense and invasive.
All that said, if we had no frozen embryos and doing the down reg/stims/egg retrieval cycle was our only option, I would hands down do it all over again if it meant we could start our family.
Xx
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