I had a great time at V's party last night! Right away Jon came up to me and was talking to me and things seemed cool between us. Kellie started a Kings Cup game so Jon came and sat down next to me and we played for awhile. He said he had to leave soon and wanted me to meet him out front so we could go to his car for a bit. I said sure. I waited and waited, but it was clear he wasn't leaving any time soon. He was out mingling with every other girl and I would text him asking if we were still on and he would be like "Oh I can't leave yet". Then I walk into a conversation he is having with two girls about a 3-sum and I was just like "Oh you guys have fun with that!" and laughed it off and walked away. It really seemed like he was trying to make me jealous all of a sudden and for no reason. I had fun just mingling with other people though and had some good conversations with co-workers I don't get a chance to talk to that often.
I was bummed that Louis and Nick couldn't make it, but I guess Nick's mom had to have surgery for some type of cancer that she has. I felt really bad for him and I hope she is okay! I mingled for a good hour, and some new people showed up. I went to go mingle with them and I was talking to some guy about how old he was. He looked like 25, but he kept saying he was only 20 so I was trying to tell him to be careful because the cops had already showed up and were checking people's IDs. All of a sudden one of his friends points out that I have a ring on my finger and was asking me what I was doing hitting on his friend and I was like "Uh? I am talking to him?" I am so sick of that!!! Like literally, it is driving me insane. YES I am married WHO THE FUCK CARES GET OVER IT!! I can still talk to guys! Also, everyone, and I mean everyone felt the need to ask me where my husband was, why wasn't he there, why wasn't I with him, blah blah blah. Sheeesh people...I am not glued to him. I really don't understand people sometimes.
V ended up coming up to me and asking me what was up with Jon and saying he was acting weird and she tried talking to him and he just blew her off to go talk to another girl. I just told her he was doing the same thing to me and she was like "Yeah he was trying to hit on Lauren and calling her gorgeous and stuff" I just told her he was probably trying to get laid and knew he wouldn't get any from us because we are just his friend.... (hah) ....I go outside and sure enough he is sitting on the swing with two other girls. I went back inside and Kellie is telling me that Colin picked her up and took her to the party but then invited some other chick over and was ignoring her the whole night. I was so pissed at Colin for fucking with her like that. The girl he brought eventually had to leave so I had a little talk with Colin and he was like being all defensive but I calmed him down and made him realize a girl's point of view of the situation and I told him he need to straighten things out with Kellie because she was hurt. He actually took my advice and they ended up leaving the party together so that's good!
By this time it was after 1 and Jon had first said he had to leave at 11. I texted him telling him I was having my husband come pick me up and I went out front. I didn't call Dave yet because I knew Jon would be texting me back. Sure enough he did and we met up in his car. I asked him what the fuck he was trying to do and he was like "I didn't do anything! I was just mingling with other people because you always say you don't want people thinking anything about us so I didn't want to be close to you" I questioned him about the 3 sum, he said "I walked in on the wrong part of the conversation" I questioned him about hitting on Lauren, he said "I was trying to make her feel better because she was down about her looks". Then I sat back and asked him WHY the fuck do I even care? LOL I mean him and I are good friends who happen to have sex every now and then and he can do whatever he wants and I don't have a right to be jealous but for some reason I was and it was stupid. He started kissing me and we had quick sex, neither of us finishing. I told him if we were ever not on the same page any more to let me know so I don't feel like an idiot. He said of course, and later on when him and his girl get more serious he will end things with us. He then said he really did have to get home, but didn't want to just leave me there. I said it was it was okay and hopped out of the car and he left. I really felt hurt standing there alone on the street. Like, what the FUCK was I doing? It wasn't even worth it. I don't even want the sex, I want the friendship, I want the attention from him, I want to have fun with him and that doesn't need to include sex. He clearly wants things to more serious with his girl and I am in the way of that. I don't want to be anymore. He is gone for the weekend, but when he comes back I think he and I need to have a conversation about losing the sex, but keeping the great friendship we have.
I texted Dave to come pick me up and then I called J and vented to him as usual. He always makes me feel better, he said he didn't think he was just using me for sex and that he really does value me as a friend but things seem to be getting messy and it would be better to just have a good friendship with him without the sex and I told him that was exactly what I wanted. Dave pulled up and I got in the car. By the time I got home I was balling my eyes out and telling him that I just wanted our marriage to work and I was done with the both of us pushing away from each other and I told him I was sick of feeling the need to have attention from other guys when all I wanted was him. He just held me and said he was sorry and that he too wanted to work things out. He told me everything he felt and his perception of me has changed and he wanted to get back to where we once were. I told him I was so sorry for putting him down all the time and having so much built up anger. We talked until 4 in the morning and ended up having really good make-up, let's fall in love again, sex. And it felt right. It felt beautiful. And THAT is what I want. I love him and I'm done looking for affection in all the wrong places, when the only man for me is right in front of me.
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