Today I had a lot of alone time since Dave was at school. I went to the school to try to sort some things out with financial aid, but no luck as I cannot progress forward without the IRS tax transcript. She did tell me I could opt for a payment plan if things don't get settled in time, which would be okay because I would be able to be reimbursed if I am eligible for grants...and I -should- be more than eligible for them.
I sat around bored most of the day and texted J. We ended up Skyping and had a good talk. I miss him so much. He is really one of the greatest friends I have ever made and I hope we never lose our friendship. We were talking about the old e-mails we sent back and forth to each other while he was in Spain and we were breaking up. It was a very tough time in my life, but I am glad we got past it all and were able to mend our friendship. We talked about my current situation and he just really makes me feel like being a better person. He has matured so much since we first met and I really value our conversations and am thankful to have him in my life for support. It was also much easier to talk to him "face to face" rather than in texts because I didn't feel like he was putting my marriage down, but instead just giving me advice.
After we said goodbye, Jon asked me to go to Sylvan with him. I went over and we sat down and we saw Greg there from the Fern. I immediately felt very awkward because Greg is the type of guy who would bring up the fact that he saw the two of us there to other people and I don't want anyone questioning me. He came over and chatted with us and ended up buying us some drinks so that was very nice of him. Jon and I had a good talk and then we went outside to smoke a cigarette. I knew he wanted to be all over me, but I really did not feel in the mood. It's weird how much my mood towards him has changed. I do miss our fun times, but at the same time, I really just want to be friends. We sat in my car for a bit and he was trying to cuddle with me and I was just pushing myself away. It made him feel bad, but I know he understands. I want to just get to the point where we are both just friends because things just got a little bit too intense for me and as soon as people from the club started questioning things with us it really made me want to back away. He also told me that Alyson asked if there was anything going on with us because I "follow him around like a lost puppy". Which I think is absolutely ridiculous because if anything, I openly distance myself from him when others are around. So yeah, I just feel different as of lately towards him, but I also don't want him to back away from me to the point where we aren't close friends anymore. I wish things didn't have to be so complicated between us. I wish we could just hang out and be friends without everyone having to think it was "weird".
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