Dear J,
For someone I have literally only seen five times, it is quite amazing the emotional roller coaster you rode with me. Flashback to August 2008. King's Inn Hotel- Seattle. You walked into the room and my eyes lit up. Most handsome man I'd seen in forever. And you were wearing a "Property of Navy" shirt. Such a random night, us girls meeting you boys and all. And how you stole me away from the guy who invited us inside, Brandon. He was so angry! But I kept telling myself, the moment I saw you it was love at first sight. Sounds so fucking cheesy, but I believed it. Then it was December 2008 and us girls were going to visit your hometown on the peninsula. A quick flight and we landed in the "worst snowstorm" Washington had seen in many years. We loved it. We made it to your small town, population 300 and fell in love with it! Remember being trapped in your grandparents house for three days straight? They kept calling us the crazy Californians. I guess we were. I was so surprised at how long we kept in touch. You even wrote me letters when you were in basic training. I still have them. This letter doesn't sound like I'm writing to an enemy. In fact, I never though you'd become one...ever. 2009 came and went and we were still close. Texting, calling all the time. You ended up being stationed in Biloxi, MS. You kept telling me the Navy was horrible. You wanted out. I told you it couldn't be that bad. I guess I didn't realize how much you were changing until December when we visited you again. You wanted to do all sorts of drugs. Ecstasy, cocaine. But I still didn't see the bad side of you. I was still believing in the "dream" I had of you and I. We told it to each other all the time. I'll never forget when you held me in your arms, running your hands across my skin. Always giving me goosebumps. Your hands were seriously magical. But our time together came and went fast, it always did. I was soon on my way back to California and your leave was ending, you'd soon be back in MS, preparing for your deployment to Spain. You called me on Xmas....we must have still been glowing in the aftermath of our visit with each other because for some reason you and I decided it was a good idea to be in a long distance relationship. If I could go back to that day and take back those words, I would in a heartbeat because it fucked everything up. I guarantee we'd still be good friends today if we didn't do such a moronic thing. 2010 was one of the worst years of my life. I was SO in love with you. Almost like an obsession. It was so unhealthy. It was making me crazy. You were so far away and you weren't making things easy for me. You were still a virgin. I was supposed to take your virginity but it still hadn't happened so you flew me out to Mississippi. We stayed in a cheap motel and we made love all day and night and you never came once. I was so fucking embarrassed. You said it was because you were nervous, but I kept blaming myself. I had to fly back Sunday and I knew things were not right with us. You left to Spain and I rarely heard from you. Maybe an e-mail here and there. It was driving me nuts. Then I find out you cheated on me, quite a few times. It was literally driving me insane. I remember it was the last semester of college and I was trying so hard to succeed, but the obsession I had of our relationship was making things so hard for me. I was drinking every night. And then came the DUI. And I went off the edge for the second time in my life. We wrote horrible things back and forth to each other, things I have blocked from my mind. And then you were gone. Just like that. That whole year was me fighting the fact that I had lost you, the HUGE dream I had made up inside of my head of my future with you. The fact that I knew I was fucking nuts for being so obsessed with you. You are an enemy because you hurt me more than any guy ever has. It wasn't until I actually moved to Washington that I was able to let you go completely. I finally feel free of you J after two long years. I am thankful for the amazing memories you gave me, but I will never forget the awful things you did and said to me. I saw you one last time December 2010. Because it was fucking tradition. And I knew you weren't the same. We fucked again.Or at least TRIED to. One last "toot it and boot it" as I called it. And you couldn't even get it up. You promised you deleted all those dirty pictures I sent you. And then you lied about it and still had them on your phone. I hate you so much. You are a pervert, a nasty piece of shit. I am so thankful I have a real man in my life now and you mean nothing to me anymore. Karma is a bitch and one day someone you really love will hurt you just as bad as you hurt me.
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