I've always had this weird thing with sex. Especially sober sex. I mean I wasn't always like this. Sex used to be easy, fun, enjoyable. For the past five years or so it has been awkward, disgusting, dirty. The more I tried to have good sex, the worse it was. Of course it was the guys I choose. The one night stands. The ones who wanted to use me for sex. When I finally found a guy I thought was worth it, I'd freeze up and that would just make everything awkward.
Now that I am with Dave it is totally different. I am finally beginning to feel comfortable. We've mostly only had sex when I was drunk, but last night we had sober sex and for once I wasn't counting down the seconds until I could get up and get dressed again. At first I froze at the part where I had to get undressed in front of him but he kept saying, "It's okay, you are beautiful". And I guess you can say that helped a lot.
I don't feel grossed out by him. I don't feel used. I don't feel dirty. I feel happy.
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