6:18pm
Apparently I’m on a writing kick? Maybe. I don’t know. Stuff’s happening and then stuff’s not really happening so whatever. I’m noticing that there are actually a bunch of stories I forgot to tell. Like stuff from SD and Laughlin, and stories from back in June that I made notes about in a draft but never finished. About suddenly becoming the girl that people are trying to set up with family members and what not. Things of that nature that I like to document but aren’t that big of a deal. General life happenings I guess.
So, I called the Sheriff like I said I was going to. I was seriously on the verge of chickening out. Twice I started an e-mail to him because that seemed like the easy way out of a phone call. I kept making this excuse in my head like an e-mail would be better because I didn’t want to bother him and I didn’t know what time he’d be out of the hospital. It was all just because I got so damn nervous!
This isn’t an only him thing either. I’m terrible at making phone calls. I basically get nervous calling everyone from the customer service tech to clients at work. I’m just no good at phones and phone calls in general, but having this sorta interest in him made it 10x worse.
We got here to work really early today, like 11:30a, but I had other things going on and I wanted to wait until the early afternoon to call anyway. Then it turns out that my aunt needed to come down to do some paperwork and she decided to come at 3pm. I didn’t want to call before she got here because I didn’t want to be on the line when she walked in and then I couldn’t call while they were working on stuff because they wouldn’t be able to hear. She left some time around 4:30pm and happened to take my mother with her so they could go by our house. Since I was left here alone I knew that that was the perfect opportunity to call. No one was around to listen to the bs I was going to say. haha.
But I still wanted to chicken out! If it wouldn’t have been for the pressure of needing to make the phone call before my mother got back I probably never would have picked up that phone. I would have procrastinated forever. Yay for being under pressure! [also, why have I started to say “yay” so much?!]
I picked up the phone without trying to think and dialed out the number. Nothing. It didn’t even start ringing. There was just an open line and no sound. Uhhhh?
I hung up. Which sorta added more fuel to my do not call - just email fire. hah. But I had to do it so after about a minute I picked up and dialed again. This time it started to ring and I started to panic a little and hoped he wouldn’t answer.
Well, my wish came true. It transferred me over to voicemail. I’m always all rambly on voicemail recordings but oh well he can add it to the list he has saved from last year. ;) I had to quickly come up with something so I did this whole, “Hey! it’s my favorite voicemail (in reference to the fact that he never answers). I was just calling to check on you. I think you said you were going in to the hospital today. So I just wanted to see how everything turned out. …uh… hope you’re good. Ok. Bye.” Or you know, something like that because honestly who knows what I said.
Then a few minutes later as I was going over everything in my head I realized that I didn’t leave my name. I’d actually consciously thought about it, but I don’t know what the heck he’s calling me these days? Like do I say “hey, it’s Rose” or “hey, it’s [extended name]”?? I don’t know why that seemed like a big deal but apparently I forgot to say anything at all. I’m going to guess he would know who it was? Unless he has a ton of people he talks to, which yeah that’s possible. But also it should have recorded the missed call this time since it didn’t go straight to voicemail.
I don’t know. It’s stupid to worry about it now. I’ll just wait a couple weeks and hope I hear back from him. Of course I’ll wait sitting down. I’ve already learned from experience with that guy. ;)
Actually, according to him, he was going to try to come out this way in about three weeks. Like middle of August. Did I write about this? I don’t remember now what I mentioned and what I didn’t. But anyway, I guess deer season starts like the 12th and he’s working so he’s going to try to come out not long after that. These weren’t plans set in stone though so you never know what will happen.
I think he brought something up about getting together and I’m pretty sure I made another joke at this time about how I wouldn’t hear from him while he was here. He’d use the excuse that he didn’t have signal and he wouldn’t call. He said he’d have to go somewhere to find signal. That obviously came up a lot. All the jokes about not hearing back. I was pretty bold with bringing it up. Saying things I wouldn’t normally say with someone I hardly know. Like just giving him such a hard time about it even though he didn’t owe me anything.
I remember he said that last time he was in town was for a work trip. When I made a joke about him vacationing here [we were talking about my working from home, and people finding out where I live, and stalkers, and never knowing what people will do when they’re only here for vacation wink wink…] he said if I saw the property I’d understand why he did it. I said that I was never invited out there and he goes, “I didn’t say you weren’t invited…” I think that might have actually been the moment when he mentioned that last time was about work and that was the reason I didn’t hear anything. Which I know is partly true because he was working with me and he was mending fences but I also know he was with friends and hunting.
It’s ok. I’ll just continue to give him a hard time about it all. I mean, don’t throw all these hints out there, and don’t say things about hanging out without following through unless you want to deal with my giving you sh*t for it. At one point near the end he said he was going to go pack his bag for the guilt trip. haha! I am so good at guilt tripping people. He doesn’t even know. Although he probably has a pretty good idea after that phone call the other day.
I’ll admit I’m slightly bummed he didn’t call back. It’s always easier to talk on the phone without all the lead up. If it comes out of nowhere I don’t have any other option but to answer. I don’t have time to get nervous. I wanted to talk to him. I’d been waiting for today to roll around so that I’d have that excuse to call and then continue our conversation about all things food and travel.
Oh well. We’ll see how it goes. I wonder if he’ll try to call me back at work? I don’t think I’ll be back there until Wednesday and he should be back at his own work by then. Probably working swing shift. At least I think that’s what he mentioned. So I guess it’s all just a waiting game for now. I mentioned this already, didn’t I? =|
I’m actually at home now. It’s late.
We were sitting here a couple minutes ago and a commercial for crab fest comes on and Mom brings it up and laughs. I shot her one of those if-looks-could-kill. Then I said, “no, that’s ok. I want brisket now!” She laughed and said something about how I don’t even like brisket and I said between the two I’d definitely take the brisket and it’s one of my fave things. It wasn’t a big deal, but the only reason I’m mentioning this is because it felt a little freeing. The joke’s not even that funny anymore. It was what it was. It happened. We’re done. Everyone’s moving on.
I think I’m okay with that.
Today I’m feeling okay with that and that’s good enough for me.
I will not rush whatever this Sheriff thing is. Remind me I said this, please?? In ALL CAPS remind me not to be an idiot if you ever hear me talking about pushing things too far and/or too fast. Remind me not to stupidly chase another man just because I’m impatient! Remind me to take things slow and steady, free and easy, one day at a time.
The man is quite fascinating and I find him to be very intriguing but I can’t force something to happen that might not exist. I’d love to at least end up friends with him. We get along so well already! Our senses of humor totally mesh and we have a bunch in common. Anything more than that, I don’t know? I’m not overthinking this, right, so I’m not going to worry about it. We’ll watch it play out however it may.
rose.
10:56pm
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