July 20, 2017, 9:55 p.m.
So I have this little drafts entry and I’ve been writing thoughts and what not in there since late last year. Stuff I’ve wanted to say but can’t. Kinda like the draft email responses I never sent to TF. Yes, this is related to Tf. They’re all words I wanted but couldn’t say to him. And I’d been contemplating this for a long time, but it wasn’t until Tuesday night that I finally sat down and filled in a new line: I forgive you. Every day. Over and over again. And I’m sorry.
Then the very next day I unexpectedly get that call from the Sheriff. I’d had this feeling about 7.19 like it was going to be a good day for me. Even as I’d been typing that line into the draft entry I’d actually considered putting it off until the next day because I wanted it listed on that date. Not really sure why? But I had a feeling about it and I thought it would be the connection I was looking for. Weird that that didn’t turn out to be the connection at all.
I find hindsight and this whole 20/20 thing to be very fascinating. Like having all these thoughts and then things happening. I wonder how much passes us by without us making the connections? Linking the thoughts to the moments. There must be millions of things.
Or I’m just crazy and I’m trying to make sense of this world and that sense doesn’t actually exist. =\
Quick sidenote: I also had a feeling about 7.17 [these are my favorite numbers. It’s not that random.] and had been joking with Mom while we were in Laughlin that I needed to find someone to marry because 7.17.17 would be a great day. Triple 7s. =) Then I woke up early that morning and was intent on gambling before our early departure. Pretty quickly I lost money and figured my lucky feeling was imaginary. I gave up and sat around waiting with mom and then I decided to play another machine and ended up walking away with 200+ dollars right before we had to leave. It basically replaced what I was down and put me in the plus a little. So Yay Luck!
It’s been a couple days and I’m just going to post. This was sitting as a draft that I was adding to but the topics don’t mesh. Might as well separate them out by day and let them lie where they may.
rose.
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